


The Problem with texting

by Anotherperson669



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Tony, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Bruce, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Team as Family, Tony Being Tony, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:45:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherperson669/pseuds/Anotherperson669
Summary: Steve knew that adjusting to 21th century technology would take time, but after 3 years, he didn’t think he’d be making such amateur mistakes.A story about an accidental break up that causes feels and angst to all parties involved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This lovely piece of angst was actually inspired by this little auto correct. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2c/14/00/2c1400a0300093a5ed92f0df55c5e3cb.jpg I’m putting the link here to prove that leaving now can totally become leaving you, so be careful ;)

Tony POV

Tony was lying in their bed. Just the thought that it was Steve and his bed made him giddy. They’d been dating for over a year. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to look at Steve and not feel an overwhelming amount of love, and amazement that Steve has chosen him as his boyfriend.

However, Tony was not looking forward to when Steve gets back from SHIELD. They’d just spent the morning fighting the green goblin. God Norman Osborn was such a pain in the ass, specifically a pain in his ass. And well….. Tony may have leapt in front of a new bomb Osborn developed so he could push Steve out of the way without knowing anything about what the bomb would do. It turns out if wasn’t anything the armour couldn’t handle, and Tony walked away with only a sprained wrist and a pretty big gash on his leg, but Steve had come out of the fight super pissed that Tony would do such a thing.

_“I’m also an Avenger Tony, I can take care of myself without having you putting yourself in danger! We both know that we work a dangerous job. If you keep trying to protect me from danger then you’ll be compromising the team because you aren’t working at top performance when you’re worried about me. Not to mention that I’m not delicate! I’ve handled myself fine up til now on my own.”_ Tony recalled Steve’s exact words before he went to do some other post mission work with Agent Agent.

And Tony knew that, he really did but… he just saw the bomb and didn’t think, just acted. He knows that Steve can handle himself but in that moment all he could think about was how much Osborn had bragged about the capabilities of this new bomb and when he saw it going toward Steve, his body moved on its own.

Tony sighed, blowing he’s breath out ever so slowly. “ _Compromising the team”_ Steve had said, and he can admit that struck him somewhere deep, causing all his insecurities to escape the bubble that Steve had carefully packed them in. There was no way he was getting away without a conversation about feelings, but at least there’s the possibility of angry makeup sex. Which is why he was trying to be good by resting in the bed, he needed to soften Steve up before they had this conversation. Tony decided to send Steve a few texts to hopefully soften him up even more before he came home.

_Hey Bae! How’s all that paperwork going? -Tony_

Tony smiled softly at his text. He loves using the pet names that kids these days come up with. Serious _Bae?_ you can’t get any lazier than that. It always gave Steve this cute partly confused, partly exacerbates, partly embarrassed blushing brow furrowed expression. It would then morph into this expression like he was about to start lecturing kids about proper grammar while calling them _son_ which led to frustration because there weren’t kids around to lecture. Thus, no matter what Tony’s own opinions on these pet names were, he must use them. Tony can practically see Steve’s expression when ever he even thought about pet names.               

It actually didn’t take very long for Steve to text back, which surprised Tony. He must have expected Tony to text, which means he’s been contemplating what happened this morning a lot. That’s not a good sign.

_Fine – Steve_

Uh oh! One word replies, that’s also never a good sign. Tony couldn’t help but cringe. It’s been a while since Steve has been this mad at him over something in the battle field. Tony kept trying though.

_Did you get any injuries? Have you checked with medical? – Tony_

_Yes – Steve_

_And?...-Tony_

_I’m fine Tony, you should be worried about yourself. How’s the leg? –Steve_

Tony smiled a bit. Steve was always so concerned about him. Plus, no longer at one word answers, that was progress at least.

_It’s good. Bruce wrapped it up for me and I took some hydromorphone (complements of Bruce) for the pain 3 hours ago. -Tony_

_He said it wasn’t as deep as it looked and probably won’t get infected –Tony_

_That’s good Tony. – Steve_

_You know I’m pretty lonely resting on our huge bed all alone – Tony_

_I’m surprised that you went to bed all by yourself. Thought I would have to find you in the work shop –Steve_

_Well I miss you! When are you getting home? –Tony_

This time the response came slower.

_I’m leaving you LOL – Steve_

Tony froze. WHAT?

_Steve tell me you’re joking right? That’s why you laughed after the comment? – Tony_

No Response. He tried for humor.

_Steve, do you know how rude it is to break up with someone over text?! –Tony_

Still nothing from Steve’s end…..Tony was starting to feel desperate. Steve still struggled with 21th century etiquette, it’s likely that he doesn’t know that you shouldn’t break up over text message and maybe didn’t want to have a confrontation face to face with Tony. The LOL was probably trying to lighten the mood of the conversation despite what he’d said. Maybe Steve had been thinking about it since the battle and decided that Tony wasn’t worth all the trouble? Maybe this was the final straw that broke the horse’s back so to speak? He could just feel all his insecurities burst from his internal bubble. In Tony’s defense though, he pushed back his insecurities longer than he’s ever had before but then his reality came crashing down. Suddenly he realized that he’s hands were trembling badly. He picked up his phone. Tony couldn’t even blame Steve, but he wanted so badly to beg Steve for another chance, tell Steve that he can do better. But something in the back of his mind told him he wasn’t capable of change, that he’ll always be this broke person, that he shouldn’t waste more of Steve’s time and he should accept his fate. Accept the end of their relationship.

_Steve, I’m sorry for all the shit I put you thorough this last year. I hope that you’ll still find happiness. –Tony_

Looking at the comment Tony was surprised that his didn’t sound that bitter. Huh, maybe he was finally becoming an adult after all. He looked around the room. Before they were a couple it used to be Tony’s room, but Tony didn’t want to kick Steve out if he considers it his room now. He grabbed a bunch of his cloth from the closet, as well as, his pills, a few important pictures from the nightstand, and his toothbrush from the bathroom, and headed down to the workshop. He set himself up there until he found another room he wanted. Might as well stay since he was going to go to the workshop to mope and mourn their relationship in peace. The workshop will always be his safe haven, his sanctuary. Knowing himself he wasn’t going to leave for a while, so he might as well have supplies.

As soon as he made it to the work shop he dumped all of the stuff in his arms in the corner while locking the lab down. Knowing that his current calm was temporary until everything totally sank in completely. He reached for his pain meds. All that walking with the heavy load he was carrying was causing his leg to hurt. Plus, he was due for another dose.

Tony tried to open the bottle with his sprained wrist holding the vial, and he ended up popping the bottle open with more force that he meant to causing all the medications to fly out around the room, into his pile and rolling under appliances. Damn it, whoever thought of child proof vials? I mean serious? Screw children.

There wasn’t that much in the bottle to begin with. Maybe 20 pills, about enough for 4 days. Tony could just feel a migraine coming on. He would have just picked the pills back up but with his leg the way it is, he doesn’t think he can get into the positions required to fish all the pills back out. He considered going to Bruce for more but now that he was in the workshop he didn’t really want to leave. He could feel the break up starting to sink in, he could feel crushing loss, and depression fall on him like a pail of ice water. He went to the sink, grabbed the whisky from underneath and took a huge swig. This will work just fine for the pain, both the psychical and the emotional.

Chugging a fourth of the massive bottle, Tony contemplated while ignoring all of JARVIS’s nagging that he should consider a change in activity. He considered all the times the tabloids accused him of being an alcoholic. He wasn’t in denial, he really wasn’t, but he really didn’t think he was an alcoholic. He might turn to alcohol easily when things go wrong but when things are good he rarely drinks too much or feels the need to drink at all outside of social occasions. He admits there’s definitely dependence there, but he really doesn’t feel like the craved is daily like alcoholics do. He continued to try and contemplate anything other than him and Steve, and eventually his thoughts tapered off as he got more and more drunk.

“JARVIS, Lock Down. No overrides, not even Pepper’s. No one gets in. And not a word about anything related to this or anything about my current state to anyone in the tower. I’m not kidding this time, no using intonations or try to work around my orders in any way this time” Tony stated with all the seriousness he could muster before he lost himself in thought.

JARVIS replied with a “If you insist Sir”


	2. Chapter 2

Steve POV

Steve was violently scribbling on his paper work that he needed to finish for SHIELD after every mission. All he wanted to do was get home and get his hands all over Tony to check that he was uninjured and okay. He’s brow was pinched as he tried to concentrate but always ended up thinking about Tony again. He was pretty upset about Tony throwing himself in front of that bomb for him today but now that he’s calmed down a bit he feels guilty for yelling at Tony. If he’s being honest with himself, he was being a totally hypocrite. If he and Tony had been in the reverse situation, Steve wouldn’t have hesitated to throw himself in front of Tony. Of course, he would.

But after Tony revealed that giant gash on his leg after the battle, which look like it might cause Tony to bleed out from the amount of blood pouring from the wound, Steve couldn’t control the overwhelming fear that consumed him. He needed Tony to understand that Steve didn’t want him to do that, never again. He didn’t want to have to worry about protecting Tony as well as preventing Tony from protecting him. He knew it was a losing battle though. He knew Tony would continue to try and protect him as much as he would try his best to protect Tony. That might even be the reason the 2 of them worked so well in the field, doing combo attacks with each other means leaving openings in their defense but also knowing the other person had your back. He knew that Tony didn’t think he wasn’t capable of protecting himself. Under the circumstances, without knowing the nature of the bomb, Steve couldn’t say for certain that he would have survived that blast. In fact, under his fear, he actually thought it was very romantic of Tony to try and protect him. He knew it came from a place of genuine love and caring. In that moment, however, he was so afraid. Afraid that Tony was hurt. Afraid that Tony was hurt Because Of Him. Afraid that Tony was more than hurt. He didn’t end up holding on to his emotions when he talked to Tony after the battle and it all came spilling out. He’s expression became more tight. God, paperwork was killing him today. He just wanted to go home.

Then his phone chimed on top of his stack of forms. He checked it. It was probably Tony.

_Hey Bae! How’s all that paperwork going?-Tony_

Steve made a face at the word bae but then almost smiled. Tony had told him it’s what all the kids are using these ways. His expression turned fond. Only Tony would send such a concerned text after Steve yelled at him while pushing him away because Tony Had Tried To Save Steve’s Life! He felt terrible. He wanted to go home and hold Tony and apologize and kiss him all over.

_Fine – Steve_

He made a quick reply and really tried to focus on his paper work so that he could get to leave soon. Tony’s text had sent urgency through him. Before he got more than a sentence further though, he’s phone chimed again.

_Did you get any injuries? Have you checked with medical? – Tony_

_Yes – Steve_

Steve was really trying to get through the paperwork now, but Tony really wasn’t helping.

_And?...-Tony_

Steve sighed. Tony shouldn’t be worrying about him right now.

_I’m fine Tony, you should be worried about yourself. How’s the leg? –Steve_

Steve didn’t even try to continue with the paperwork by this point. Just waiting for Tony’s reply. When Tony did, it was with 2 sequential texts.  

_It’s good. Bruce wrapped it up for me and I took some hydromorphone (complements of Bruce) for the pain 3 hours ago. -Tony_

_He said it wasn’t as deep as it looked and probably won’t get infected –Tony_

_That’s good Tony. – Steve_

_You know I’m pretty lonely resting on our huge bed all alone – Tony_

Steve raised an eyebrow.

_I’m surprised that you went to bed all by yourself. Thought I would have to find you in the work shop –Steve_

_Well I miss you! When are you getting home? –Tony_

Steve smiled before feeling even more guilty. Tony was being so sweet despite his terrible behavior this morning. God he deeply regretted saying that Tony was compromising the team. That was a low blow and must have struck Tony right where it hurts, right at the insecurities Steve had always tried to shoo away from Tony’s person. After all, the team was Tony’s family, and he’s pour every bit of himself that he can into the team.

Suddenly he feels a completely overwhelming need to go home. He needed to apologize. Needed to comfort Tony and assure him that it wasn’t like that at all. That it was Steve’s own fault that he got angry, that he lost control. That he was thankful that Tony loved him so much.

Screw this paperwork. He’ll do it later….. probably. He noted his phone had 8% battery left, so he knew he wouldn’t be able to continue his conversation with Tony for much longer. He typed out a quick reply telling Tony that he was on his way, made sure it sent and shut the contraption off to conserve batteries in case there was an emergency.

He practically ran out of the room, almost smacking a couple of junior agents with the door in his rush. He barely managed a hollered apology as he dashed down the hall.

 

By the time he was home, it’d been more than an hour. Why did he do his work in the triskelion and not the helicarrier? Traffic had been insane! Rush hour in New York was worse than fighting rampant dinosaurs in Steve’s opinion. But then he clamped down on the thought because he was totally going to jinx himself. Please don’t let him be fighting dinosaurs tomorrow.

Taking the elevator, his rode it to the penthouse.

“Tony?!” Steve called out as soon as the doors parted.

Silence and stillness met his ears. Maybe Tony had fallen asleep waiting? It did take him a long time to get home.

He entered the bedroom to find…… no one. Something seemed off though. Steve didn’t know what the problem was, but he trusted his gut. He raised his fists defensively as he entered. He noticed that there seemed to be things missing from the nightstand. Had someone broken in? A theft? It wasn’t likely with JARVIS around, but you never know. He knew Tony would be offended at him for even thinking it, but he didn’t know enough about tech to know for certain that JARVIS hasn’t been compromised. Steve checked the bathroom while keeping his eye on the bedroom door. Nothing. Only place left to check was the closet. He flipped it open to find…. The cloth from an entire rack on the right, on Tony’s side, was gone. He.. He didn’t know what to make of it.

Well, there doesn’t seem to be any danger, so he might as well ask JARVIS.

“JARVIS is there a reason that a giant portion of the closet is missing?”

“I’m sorry Captain Rogers but I cannot say”

Steve frowned. What? JARVIS has never answered that to one of his questions before. “oh” he said unintelligently. “um, well can you tell me where Tony is?”

“I’m Sorry Captain but I cannot answer that either”

In Steve’s head the chance that JARVIS has been compromised increased. He became concerned. Turning Steve went to find the others. Maybe they’ve seen Tony or maybe knew what was up with JARVIS.

 

On the common floor, Clint seemed to have eyes glued to the TV while Natasha read.

“Hey, have either of you seen Tony?”

Natasha eyes never once left her book. “Have you tried asking Jarvis?” The sarcasm highly apparent in her voice.

“well… I did but his answer was strange?”

Natasha then eyed him before saying. “JARVIS where is Tony?”

“I’m sorry Ms. Romanoff but I’m not allowed to disclose this information.”

Clint turned his head upward, eyebrow raised. “Since when is Tony’s location a secret?”

“You looking for Tony?” Steve turned to see Bruce appeared from the elevator. “I was trying to find him before to see how the pain meds were working. I’m pretty sure he is in the lab because when I went to look there, it was on lock down. JARVIS wouldn’t let me in though. He didn’t tell me anything either. It basically guaranteed that Tony has forbidden JARVIS from talking about it.”

Steve’s stomach felt tighter.

“It’s probably because of Steve Yelling at Tony for Fucking Saving His Life!” Clint helpfully chipped.

“We don’t know that I would have died otherwise!” Steve protested immediately

“Sounds like the kind of reaction Tony would have” Natasha added ignoring Steve’s protest. “Although if I were him, I’d probably do something similar considering how ungrateful the person I saved was.”

Despite suddenly feeling defensive, Steve only managed to respond weakly, “I was just worried about him, I don’t want him to do stuff like that…”

“We’re superheroes Cap” Clint shot him a look like he was stupid which really was pretty offensive considering it came from Clint. “We take hits for each other all the time because we’re teammates and friends and _family_. We care about each other and usually we’re thankful for that fact. We make the calls we think are right.”

Steve hunched. Of course, Clint was right. He had nothing to say in rebuttal. Much later while reflecting on the incident, he realized he was thankful that their teammates were willing to call out his bullshit as well as protect Tony. He was glad he had allies in the fight against Tony’s insecurities and Tony’s lack of perceived self worth, and Tony’s (thankfully already disrupted) perfect view of Steve.

“You going to go apologizes? That’s why you’re looking for him right?” Bruce piped up again. “Because if you’re finding him to yell at him, I’m obligated as his Science brother, as he would call it, to release the Hulk on you.”

Before he could squeak in response, Clint and Natasha followed up with a “we second that notion.”

“Also, Bruce It’s Science Bros” Clint helpfully chipped in causing Bruce to shrug.

“No, I was going to apologize,” Steve replied quickly.

“Well then you better head down there” Bruce pushed as he headed for the kitchen.

Steve wasted no time and headed down. He knew that knowing Tony, he’d locked himself in the lab to blame and ridicule himself. Steve knew he took too long to get home which definitely wouldn’t have help rev down his self torment.

Heading down to the lab he could see that all the windows were blacked out.

“JARVIS, I know that the lab is on lock down but do the overrides work?”

“Unfortunately, Captain Rogers Sir has disabled all of them.”

“Can you at least let him know I’m outside?”

“I cannot Captain. Sir is not currently listening to me or looking at the security footage.”

“Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?”

“I’m sorry Captain but I cannot.”

Steve was already frustrated but he was starting to feel unsettled and desperate based on JARVIS’s responses.

“Please JARVIS! There must be something you can do! I know what Tony’s like. He’s probably in there beating himself up and suffering. You have to help me fix it”

Silence met him. Just when Steve was about to start yelling again, JARVIS responded with “I suppose it wouldn’t be considered a word on the subject…..”

Steve was about to ask him what that meant, completely confused when the glass of the workshop turned clear.

It only took him about a second to take in the whole situations. Pills all over the ground and a passed out Tony with tears running down his face with a few massive bottles of Whiskey beside him. Steve’s blood ran cold.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony’s POV

Tony wasn’t passed out. He was actually a lot of alcohol away from that, but he was tired. This day had been entirely draining. At least the alcohol seems to have taken the edge off the pain.

He’d spend so long crying over losing the best thing he’d ever had, while simultaneously being so resigned to the situation. When Steve first convinced him to go out with him, Steve had promised that they had years of history and he knew Tony inside and out, that he was in love with everything that Tony was, that he was certain he would never willingly let Tony go. Steve had used his superhuman emotional strength, which Steve definitely had before becoming Captain America, to push back every insecurity that Tony had. Upon seeing that he probably wouldn’t be able to convince Tony to have more self worth overnight, he convinced Tony to stay by stated that people didn’t deserve each other. The universe didn’t work that way. What mattered was that he wanted Tony and Tony wanted him back.

Sometimes it’s really obvious that Steve’s views were largely driven by the war and a whole different era. It might as well be a whole different world. Steve was still idealistic and inexperience in many concepts of the new world. To Steve there was a right and wrong, a black and white. Tony supposes that since it was us against Hilter and genocide, the right and wrong of that war was much more distinct. Can’t say the same for war nowadays.

The divide of 70 years showed for instance in Steve’s concept of Justice, his concept of truth, his conception of politics, and of course, his concept of love. To him, justice is getting a trial, there’s only one truth, and matters of politics are simply solved. To him, love is eternal, and only a matter of emotion. Tony is from an era and generation that’s much more cynical. Not just because of his age but the fact that he’d been exposed to more than a typical person on the street, and that’s not even mentioning he was a genius.

He knew that people didn’t deserve each other, that there wasn’t rhyme or reason to life, but he also knew that much of life was situational. Unfortunately, everyone has so little control over the situation in the best of times. He knew that whether you win or lose a trial is situational. He knew that right and wrong was arguable. He knew that the truth was circumstantial. More than anything he knew that whether you end up with someone was rarely controlled by the emotion of love. Of course, sometimes you can fight and conquer certain situations for love, but there were countless more situations that were impossible to defeat.

Tony wasn’t being bitter but it’s only logical that people had priorities beyond love. Maybe family, maybe friends, maybe happiness, even maybe their basic needs that meant their survival. After all he’s sure that a peasant would rather marry the prince they hated so that they could have food to eat rather than starving to death with someone they loved.

That’s not to say that Tony didn’t love Steve. He loved him so much more then he can express, and he has for a long time. He knew that he would always love Steve because of who he is and all the things they’ve experience and done together no matter the future. But he too wasn’t willing to compromise certain values for love. After all that’s how the whole civil war thing happened, and he knew that if a similar situation were to occur he still would have to stand behind what he believed in as he’s sure Steve would do the same. Because your values are a part of who you are, and you can’t give up a part of who you are for love. Love wouldn’t be meaningful if it meant losing yourself, and love doesn’t mean you’ll end up with who you love.  

Tony took a chug from the bottle this time. Why is he thinking about these things? He was trying to logic out the situation. Trying to understand why he and Steve could no longer be together despite how much he loved Steve. Despite how much Steve loved him, had loved him. He wasn’t going to deny how much Steve had loved him. Steve showed it in everything he did, and Steve wouldn’t lie about his emotions. To deny Steve’s feelings would be doing Steve a grave disservice. To deny Steve’s feelings would be too insulting to Steve, too dishonest and unjust after all he’s done for Tony. But he was also trying to accept that it was only logical that Steve fell out of love with him, or that he would eventually fall out of love with him. He was trying to accept the fact that Steve has finally found something he isn’t willing to give up for love. In this case his own and the safety of the team. How can Tony deny him that? The team was his family too, and if they were at stake, he was willing to sacrifice his relationship with Steve and contain his love for Steve to ensure their safety. Not that any of them would ask that of him ever. Convincing himself was working but he was getting more depressed as well.  He’s tired, he’s so so tired. So finally, he laid down on the couch and let himself rest. He knew sleep would be fretful right now, but it would burn a few hours away with less pain than what he was currently feeling.

Steve’s POV

Steve could just feel his guilt and regret instantly turn to self-loathing at the scene in front of him. Tony passed out with a few bottles of liquor around him and pills all over the ground. Had he caused Tony to do this? Was it his unjustified anger, his inability to control his emotion that had hurt Tony so badly? As these thoughts raced, he distantly saw himself trying to break the glass with his fist. But after several strikes and what was definitely a broken knuckle later, not even a crack or scratch existed on the glass’s surface. Panic was starting to turn into hysteria when he heard Natasha, and Clint race down the stairs in his direction follow by a much slower Bruce.

“Steve?! JARVIS call us and told us you were having a panic attack? Dude we didn’t mean to lay it on that thick….?” Clint asked from the bottom of the stairs, but then trailed off when he took in Steve’s pale complication and blank stare.

All Steve could do was point through the glass. Three pairs of eyes turned to where he was pointing. Natasha swore, the only one to remain remotely calm, and made for the override station for the door of the workshop.

Steve tried his best to flip into Captain America mood. He had to stay calm. He needed to concentrate on getting into the workshop. He can drown in his emotions when Tony’s life wasn’t in danger. He collected himself and was just about to coordinate with the others when a roar took over the attention of the three other people in the room.

The hulk wasted no time and crashed into the glass with his shoulder. The force resulted in a hairline fracture in the glass that Steve could barely see. Distantly he was thanking heaven that the workshop wasn’t built from hulk proof glass. The Hulk seemed determined and repeated his action. It took a good 9-10 hits for the hulk to cause the glass to come crashing down. Steve would be incredibly thankful if it wasn’t for the fact that the Hulk started running towards Tony with a “Tin man need help.”

“Hulk no! Look over there, there’s a cat stuck in a tree that needs you,” Clint was quick to react with a distraction.

“Hulk help tin man”

“but Hulk that kitten needs you! We’ll take care of tin man, we promise”

Steve stopped paying attention, running to Tony’s side. He did hear Natasha instructing him that he’d better help Tony. Meanwhile they’d take care of the Hulk and get him to change back so he could help with the medical treatment.

Steve kneed down next to Tony. Training automatically kicking in, he instinctively checked for breathing and pulse. Steve felt just slightly lighter when he found both. But Tony’s life may still be in danger. Steve start shaking Tony aggressively while calling his name, he needed to wake him and possibly get him to throw up anything residual in his stomach.

Slowly Tony opens his eyes, drowsy but seemingly comprehensive and Steve thanked anyone and everyone out there that listened to his prayers. “Tony, thank god. I need you to focus on me. How many did you take Tony?”

Glossy eyes turned to him with no comprehension in them, but slowly Tony seemed to recognize him. That recognition turned to hurt fast as Tony started to try and push him off with weak floppy arms.

 “Steve ugh, lettt go. Ggget off of meee. I’m fine…fine. I don’t nnneed you to llook after me anymor…..”

“Tony you are not fine! Stop struggling and tell me how many you took and when! I’ll call medical.”

That seemed to sober Tony up pretty fast. “No Medical!”

“WHAT? Tony your life might be in danger! God knows what those pills will do mixed with alcohol”

“I’m fine!” a pause “What pills?”

“The ones all over the ground!” but even as he yelled with Tony, he was relieved. The man seemed to be energetic and comprehensive and that quenched some of Steve’s worries.

“I..? No. I didn’t take any?! I spilled those on the ground and was too lazy to pick them up!”

As soon as Steve registered the word, he felt a rush of relief. “Oh, Thank God!” But then the hurt in Tony’s eyes turned to anger.

“If that’s the only reason you’re here Rogers, then feel free to get out of my workshop now.” Tony’s voice came of sharp and cold and caused Steve’s stomach to sink again as Tony basically threw himself from his arms to stand up.  

“Wha? Tony?! Why?!?”

“WHY DO YOU THINK?!”

Steve went stiff at the force of Tony’s anger. He obviously felt terrible about yelling at him earlier today, but he doesn’t think it warranted this volatile a response! For god sakes, He was here to apologize! Steve could feel his own anger bubbling up, and as he felt it, he knew this was going to end badly. He didn’t want to be so mad, but Tony always knew what buttons to push, and he was already feeling so defensive from earlier.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony’s POV

Tony had expected to wake up to massive leg pain and an empty cold workshop. What he actually woke up to was yelling. Which wasn’t 100% unexpected, he’d pissed people off a lot so it’s always a likely situation. Despite feeling too groggy to really open his eye, he did anyways, and all he saw was a blur.

As his slowly got his vision back, he was starting to realize that he was in Steve’s lap. Fuck

 “Steve ugh, lettt go. Ggget off of meee. I’m fine…fine. I don’t nnneed you to llook after me anymor…..” He tried to shove Steve away, but Steve being a super soldier and all, it wasn’t going in Tony’s semi-alcohol affected body’s way. God Damn It! He didn’t need Steve’s PITY!

“No Medical!” Tony snapped in response to Steve’s words as soon as he heard medical. The last thing he wanted was a whole medical team to pity him about his break up and wreck of a life in general.

“WHAT? Tony your life might be in danger! God knows what those pills will do mixed with alcohol”

“I’m fine!” God, it’s not like Steve’s never seen how much he can drink. Wait…. “What pills?”

“The ones all over the ground!”

“I..? No. I didn’t take any?! I spilled those on the ground and was too lazy to pick them up!” he said as he realized that, of course, no wonder Steve was worried. He would have freaked out too if he broke up with someone and they then looked like they’d committed suicide.

 “Oh, Thank God!” Steve gasped. A darker more insecure part of Tony couldn’t help but think that Steve probably wouldn’t have cared as much if he’d seen Tony just drinking himself to the point of black out, because it wouldn’t have been Steve’s fault then. It would just be Tony being broken, being an alcoholic.

“If that’s the only reason you’re here Rogers then feel free to get out of my workshop now.” Now that he wasn’t ‘in danger of dying’, he just wanted Steve to leave. To realize that Tony wasn’t dying, and he no longer needed to remain here. Tony all but pushed himself from Steve’s arms and stood up. The fact that he hadn’t fallen or hurt himself again was a surprising bonus.

“Wha? Tony?! Why?!?”

“WHY DO YOU THINK?!” Tony was suddenly seething. All of his anger about the break up now directed at Steve. How can Steve just march in here and pretend everything is still fine? Like he’s got any right. The thought of Steve being his caretaker by obligation hurt, but it didn’t hurt as much as if Steve actually still wanted to take care of Tony.

He knew that Steve and he used to be friends, best friends, and just because they weren’t together anymore doesn’t mean that Tony and he weren’t still friends, still teammates. They’d promised each other at the start of this that no matter what happens in the relationship, it wasn’t going to cause them to lose their friendship, lose each other in the end. And just because they weren’t together anymore doesn’t mean that Tony doesn’t love him anymore.

But if Steve was going to keep caring, (and of course he was, when has Steve not cared?), it would hurt Tony too much. If Steve kept being tender with him, Tony wouldn’t be able to move on, to stop wanting Steve, wanting to be together. And that, as Steve stated himself, would compromise the team. He just…he needed some distance. He needed Steve to leave.

One look at Steve’s angry face told him that it wasn’t about to happen though. That was fine. He wanted Steve to be angry. He wanted to drive Steve way, have Steve leave in a fit of anger, so he could get his distance. He wanted them to fight and yell so that they can have the closure of their relationship. An actual closure instead of just a text…..and maybe someday, a day that Tony couldn’t see right now, they could be friends again. When he’d healed from this, IF he manages to heal from this, or maybe just when the spot has been covered by nasty scabs. It wasn’t that he was optimistic, but that day where they would be able to talk to each other again off in the distance was the only thing keeping Tony going right now, and he knew that for that day to happen, they needed closure. He needed closure.

“Look Tony I know you’re upset! But you can’t get mad at me for caring!” Wow Steve really knew where to stick you where it hurt.

“Sure, I can Cap.” He pops the P and took another step back for distance. He needed this distance, even if right now it was mostly physical distance. He’ll work on the mental distance later. “It’s not your job to care anymore is it?” Steve looked so frustrated. He still looked stunning. To think that Tony was thinking about that vary look earlier today.

“I.. Don’t be vindictive Tony. I was simply stating what I felt at the time. Beside I said it for both of our sakes!”

“For both of us?! No Rogers don’t even pretend that it was for my benefit too! I’m not denying that it needed to be said if that’s how you felt but there is nothing about this that is for my benefit!” Tony all but screamed. How can Steve say that losing one of the most treasured things in his life was for his benefit?! But Steve seemed devastated by Tony’s response.

“Tony I’m SORRY okay? I was angry and…” All Steve’s fight seemed to drain from him then.

“I just….. I don’t want to go through something like that again. I felt so helpless, so raw. I just wanted to cry through the whole ordeal. I need you to understand what I was feeling. I need you to not….. I need you to understand” it came out quiet. Soft. God Steve looked at him with just hurt. Tony felt so dejected. This, laid out in front of him, was the truth. Steve Rogers’ truth. Tony might have been feeling so good in their relationship, but he was too self absorbed to notice that Steve was going through hell the entire time. Steve’s love and affection were pure at the start of this, but Tony had corrupted it without even trying and now it was dying.

This was it. This is the closure Tony was seeking.

Tony loves Steve. But as he stated to himself, romance and relationships were situational. He was wise enough to know no one should have to give up their own happiness for love. But Steve had tried. Had apparently tried for so long, but this had been the final straw. It wasn’t just his own happiness that Steve was giving up anymore. It was the team’s safety. And both of those things (Steve’s happiness, and the team) were things Tony would easily give his life for. There nothing he wants more than for Steve to be happy, whether he’s in that equation or not. As for his own happiness, well, he doubted he was going to end up super happy in the end anyways with all the issues he has in his mentality. 

Through the hurt, understanding poured through and it light up Tony’s spirit and soul or whatever he had in that arbitrary space. He could do this. He needed to do this. For Steve. For the team. For His Family. This was the closure that he needed. He could accept the situation and move on.

“I understand Steve. I really do. It’s for the team, right?” He could almost feel a sad smile on his lips as he looked down at nothing in particular. “It’s for you too.”

“Tony, I ….”

“There’s no reason to explain Capsicle. I get it. I mean I’m always screwing up, and a pain, a totally selfish asshole especially to those I care about, incapable of considering other’s feelings.” He paused for breath. “I’m just a deeply damaged person. Not even a superhero can put up with that for long.” Tony couldn’t look up to meet Steve’s face, but raised his vision to stare distantly at Steve’s chest. He can do this. Just a little bit longer and he could crawl back to the bottle.

Steve shook his head. “No that’s not true Tony, you’re amazing and intelligent, sweet and loyal! You….”

“It’s okay Steve…” He whispers. “You were completely right. This is over, this relationship is done.”

For a second Steve looked stunned but then yelled, “What?! No Tony! We need to talk about this?! How can you ….”

 “Steve _please,_ Right now I just need you to leave. I need distance right now.” Tony look another step back with that statement.

“I…Tony… I don’t want to leave it like this” His eye looked so earnest.

“I’m sorry Steve. I can’t do this anymore.” This conversation was draining him fast. He needed it to end soon. “Maybe we can talk about it later but right now I need to be alone.”

“Okay Tony…. I’m gonna come back later so we can talk about this okay?” Tony had to shut his eyes as Steve turns his body to the elevator. Steve was always so damn sweet. Right now, though, He needed more distance than a few hours or a few days.

“ I promise I won’t try to commit suicide or drink myself to death. So, you don’t need to be checking on me. I’ll tell JARVIS to get you when I’m ready to talk, alright?” He says, causing Steve to turn back around a bit.

“I… Okay, but I might come find you if it takes too long.” Steve warns almost with a small hopeful smile. In that moment Tony knew that Steve wanted to rekindle their friendship as well. This wasn’t the end of them, and Tony found comfort in that fact. It seems though that Steve is expecting it to be a lot sooner than Tony thinks he can do, but Tony knew he’d try his best and push hard through it all. For Steve. Always for Steve.

As Steve faces him with the elevator doors closing, Tony whispers, “Goodbye, Steve”

Steve’s POV

“Look Tony I know you’re upset! But you can’t get mad at me for caring!” Even as he said it, he felt like the biggest hypocrite, because isn’t that what he did? Get mad at Tony for caring? Taking his affection and throwing it back in his face. But if nothing else Tony was good at getting a rise out of him.

“Sure, I can Cap.” Tony had popped his P and stepped away from him. “It’s not your job to care anymore is it?” Despite himself Steve couldn’t help but be frustrated. Yelling from Tony Steve knows how to handle, but when he’s fake cheer soaked in sarcasm, Steve just… He knows he’s wrong. He does! But does Tony have to rub it in? Taunt him with his mistakes? He’s heckles started to rise again, defensive because he still had a good point initially, even if he was being a total hypocrite.

“I.. Don’t be vindictive Tony. I was simply stating what I felt at the time. Beside I said it for both of our sakes!” In the back of his mind, a more rational part of him, the part that loved Tony more than anything shouted out at him. Begged him to stop, to not make it worse, wanted to slap himself for hurting Tony, and wanted to run to Tony and scope Tony up in his arms to comfort him. Because no, it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He was supposed to apologize. Tony was supposed to forgive him. Then he’d spend the next few days spoiling the genius and having make-up sex. 

“For both of us?! No Rogers don’t even pretend that it was for my benefit too! I’m not denying that it needed to be said if that’s how you felt but there is nothing about this that is for my benefit!” And Tony looked wrecked. Steve wanted to cry.

“Tony I’m SORRY okay? I was angry and…” He trailed off. Suddenly Steve was feeling tired, and the day’s events hang heavily on him, dragging him down. He knew he’d hurt Tony this time, but he just couldn’t back down. In that instance he realized it was because he was hurt too. That today’s events had hurt and frightened him. This wasn’t about being a hypocrite because he’s feelings are still valid. What he was feeling was real, _what he is feeling is real,_ and he NEEDS Tony to understand that, understand that he’s still feeling it, the devastation of almost losing someone so precious to him.

Tony always tried to play it cool, never wanted to seem too attached. Steve knew it was a play. A play that even now a year later Tony still wasn’t willing to drop. Steve knew Tony cared. Tony cared and loved so much. But sometimes he wonders if the reason Tony hasn’t dropped his act, the reason he still fights like he’s expandable is because he still doesn’t understand how much he’s cared about and loved not just by him but the whole team and others as well, because he still doesn’t understand that he’s done so much good and touched so many lives. Steve is hurt by the fact that Tony hates himself so much when all he can feel when he looks at Tony is his heart swelling with love.  

“I just….. I don’t want to go through something like that again. I felt so helpless, so raw. I just wanted to cry through the whole ordeal. I need you to understand how I was feeling. I need you to not….. I need you to understand” and that hadn’t come out as clear as he’s meant it too. But he looked straight into Tony’s eyes, and tried to convey all he’s feeling, hoped that he could convey even a fraction of his love.

Suddenly Tony’s face and eyes shut down and closed off. No, NO! That wasn’t what he wanted, wasn’t what he was trying and failing to tell Tony. He cursed himself for his inadequacies and inability to articulate himself the way Tony could. He wanted to do better. He needed to do better. But as he looked up to try again, Tony’s expression turned loving as he stared into Steve’s eyes.

“I understand Steve. I really do. It’s for the team, right?” and for a second Steve had thought that Tony had got it, got how he was feeling, got how much everyone cared. But then Tony’s expression turned sad as he looked down “It’s for you too.” And Steve realized that something was very wrong.

Steve didn’t know what was wrong, but he had a distinct feeling that this was a crossroad. He be damned if he didn’t fight for it to be in his favor, “Tony, I ….” but Tony cut him off pretty quick.

“There’s no reason to explain Capsicle. I get it. I mean I’m always screwing up, and a pain, a total asshole especially to those I care about, incapable of considering other’s feelings.” Tony’s words hurt. They hurt because they weren’t true. They hurt because he loved Tony. They hurt because it stomped on the feelings of all those that love him. They hurt because Tony still didn’t understand. “I’m just a deeply damaged person. Not even a superhero can put up with that for long.” Tony’s eye were a blur and Steve knew Tony wasn’t seeing him. All Steve could think was no no no, that wasn’t what he meant. He’s not mad because Tony was who he was, he’s mad that Tony doesn’t take care of who he was, and who he was to Steve, to everyone.

Steve shook his head. Despite all the hurt, all the frustration at constant having to fight to defend Tony from himself but gaining barely inches, Steve could see no other option. Steve would consider no other option but to continue to fight for Tony, because that’s what Tony needed and it’s what Steve wanted to do.  If Tony wasn’t going to defend himself, well Steve had promised not just to Tony but also himself and everyone else that loves Tony, that he’d always be there to defend Tony, to build him up, and never let go because he loves Tony beyond anything.

So, he tried again with as much conviction as he could muster into his voice. “No that’s not true Tony, you’re amazing and intelligent, sweet and loyal! You….” Again, Steve became frustrated at his inability to articulate himself, articulate what he felt, how wonderful Tony is. Failure crushed into him as he had to strain to hear Tony whisper.

“It’s okay Steve…” He whispers. “You were completely right. This is over, this relationship is done.”

Tony’s words stuck him to his core, and it was amazing how his whole world perspective changed in an instant. He felt cold and alone, left out in the world full of emotions and things he didn’t understand to fend for himself. As much as Steve tried to support Tony, Tony supported him just as much and more. He makes Steve better every day without even realizing because that was just the kind of wonderful person Tony was.

Loss and devastation swallowed him whole and he just couldn’t believe, couldn’t think about it “What?! No Tony! We need to talk about this?! How can you ….” Say something like that. No, they need to keep talking to sort this out. Keep talking until Tony and he were no long going to break up.

“Steve _please,_ I need you to leave. I need distance right now.”  Steve wanted to yank all his hair out. It’s obvious that Tony wasn’t getting what he was saying, and every time he tried to explain he seems to make it worse.

“I…Tony… I don’t want to leave it like this” He didn’t know what to say, what to do.

“I’m sorry Steve. I can’t do this anymore.” And what could Steve say to that? Has he ever been good to Tony or was he fooling himself? All of a sudden, he saw all their good times together in a different light. Maybe he’d been selfish this whole time. Forcing Tony out of the lab _for his own good_ and demanding he take Steve to places he wanted to go, to do the things _he_ wanted to do. Demanding he show Steve the 21th century. Wanting Tony to make things for him, for the whole team, yet still have time for him, SHIELD, his company. Not to mention the countless times he was arguing with Tony. No, times when he had yelled at Tony as Tony just stood there. Has he been exhausting Tony this whole time? A burden? A leech on Tony’s existence? Tony did look so exhausted. Is that why Tony doesn’t want him anymore?

“Maybe we can talk about it later but right now I need to be alone.” Talk! Later! He’s mind clung to those word because Yes, they could talk later. Sort this out! Maybe it wasn’t true? Maybe he can convince Tony to take him back once Tony had some time to himself! Maybe he can sort out the right things to say in that time. Maybe he can come up with a convincing case to beg Tony to take him back.

“Okay Tony…. I’m gonna come back later so we can talk about this okay?” He needed to know. To check that that was what Tony meant.

“I promise I won’t try to commit suicide or drink myself to death. So, you don’t need to be checking on me. I’ll tell JARVIS to get you when I’m ready to talk, alright?” That wasn’t quite what Steve wanted. He hated waiting and not knowing.

 He hated that Tony would be alone. He hated that Tony had to assure Steve that he won’t hurt himself.

 “I… Okay, but I might come find you if it takes too long.” He didn’t want to push too much right now and scare Tony off though. Tony needed time. Steve would give him time, but Tony was also good at hating himself and locking himself away. He wanted Tony to know he was open to talking when Tony felt better. He _wanted_ them to talk when Tony felt better. He wanted Tony to know he couldn’t get away without having their conversation no matter how long he prolongs it. It was Steve’s way of making sure that Tony would come to him when he was feeling better on his own, because if he didn’t, Steve would come find him. He tried to let Tony know that Tony wasn’t alone, even if at the end this didn’t work out in Steve’s favor and they broke up. He has Steve. He’ll always have Steve.

But as Steve got into the elevator and turned back to face Tony as the doors closing, Tony whispers, “Goodbye, Steve” while looking at the floor. Steve’s insides twisted because to him, it felt like Tony was saying it like this was the end.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve was in the common room looking out of the tower at central park, looking at the dots of couples and children enjoying the nice day. He didn’t know what else to do with himself. He didn’t feel like doing anything else anyways. Behind him the elevator doors open, and he hears 3 sets of foot steps.

“Hey Steve, JARVIS said you were here. I thought you would have went to the medical with Tony. We’ll just grab a change of cloth and we can leave k? I’m disgusting from chasing the Hulk”. Steve hadn’t turned around but he’s pretty sure the Doctor was flushing apologetically at Clint’s comment.

“Tony isn’t in medical. He’s downstairs in the lab”. He felt like he’s running on autopilot, as he finally turned to face them.

“What?! Steve why didn’t you make him go to medical?! He probably needs his stomach pumped?!”

Clint looked about ready to punch him, but he just felt hollow. Natasha had enough senses to stepped in.

“Clint stop, I trust his judgement. Stop yelling. Look at him.” He must have looked worse then he thought because Clint’s anger immediately deflated into concern. Who knew he cared?

Behind him Dr Banner looked concerned too as he walked up for a better look. Then all he could see was red hair. “Steve, you look terrible.”

Steve couldn’t help but think _Gee thanks Natasha_

“Come on big guy.” She actually had some strong lean muscle going there because she easily dragged him up and deposited him on the couch as they sat around him. Bruce was still trying to get a better look. Steve lightly pushed him back.

“I’m fine,” as soon as he said it he knew everyone was going rebut that, so he continued. “Physically anyways.” Bruce backed off. Now the next part was telling them what had happened without throwing up and/or breaking down, because if he said it, then it would be real. So, he spoke the easy part first. “Tony is fine. I guess he spilled his pills everywhere and didn’t pick them back up. He was probably just asleep from all the alcohol.” That at least seemed to settle some of their concerns.

“Then what happened to you Steve? You usually only look this wrecked when Tony is seriously injured or something” 

He tried to push the thought of an injured Tony from his head too. He didn’t need that add on right now. When he started to explain though, the words got stuck in his throat, but Steve pushed pass because it needed to be said. “Tony broke up with me.” His voice sounded small and squeaky even to himself.

And now their concerns seemed to double. He wishes he could feel some happiness over how much everyone cares about the two of them, and how they understood that this was a huge blow to him without him having to say it.

“Oh Steve,” Natasha moved to be beside him and wrapped herself around him. He went willingly and wasn’t surprised when he felt himself tear up then go into full blown sobbing.

 

Sometime later when he’d cried himself out, Natasha was still there holding him together. Beside him was a mug of specialty brewed tea. Bruce’s contribution no doubt. It was he’s rare tea from the Himalayas that he had limited quantities of. In the kitchen, Clint seemed to be cooking for all of them. He did feel a bit better. Not good but not as bad as he’d been. With his teammates here and their support, he felt like at least he had a match in the dark cave he was trapped in.

“Thank you.” He whispered as he withdrew from Natasha. She smiled at him.

“Dinner’s done!” Clint proudly declared resting against the door frame. Natasha and him both moved to get off the couch.

“I’m obligated to ask if it’s edible?” Natasha teased.

“Even I can’t mess up spaghetti.” Clint waved her off.

“Don’t say that to Tony. He’ll have a fit.” The words were out of Steve’s mouth before he ccould think and a tension filled up the room again. Both assassins shot him a look but thankfully didn’t say anything in response or talk more about Tony.

As the 3 of them sat down he noticed an empty chair. (Actually 2 empty chairs but he didn’t want to think about that right now).

“Where’s Bruce?”

Natasha and Clint looked between themselves a second, which was enough time for them to have a silent debate, come to a consensus, then play mental chicken to determine who had to tell Steve.

“Bruce went down to check on Tony and take care of him. I know it might not feel like it but Tony does care about you, Steve. This is probably just as devastating for him.”

Steve felt guilt wash through him. Here he was again taking away Tony’s supports. Making Tony’s life more difficult. Being selfish. How could he think only of his own pain, when Tony was suffering?

He’d always thought that he had put Tony first and given Tony everything he’d wanted, everything that Steve had. He’d wanted to show Tony that love can be wonderful. Show Tony that Steve could be trusted with his heart. Show him that Steve wasn’t like all the others who had abandoned Tony or used him. He didn’t do any of that. All he’d done was take from Tony, hurt Tony, just like everyone else. Steve might have told Tony that Steve loves him, but he ultimately didn’t end up showing Tony he was loved through actions. With that thought Steve couldn’t help but basically bursted into tears at the table.

“Ah Steve, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything” Clint clambered. Natasha tried to scoop him up once more, but he shook his head and pulled away.

“It’s not that Nat. I feel like I haven’t done right by him. That I broke all the promises I made to him. That I was a terrible boyfriend to him”

“Steve don’t think like that. It’s not true. Tony was happy with you. You made him happy. Happier than he’s ever been. You tried your best to be there for him, held him when he needed it, listened when he talked.  You made sure he stayed fed and healthy. He quit drinking for you.”

“Did he quit drinking for me or did I make him?” He moaned.

“For you Steve. You bring out the best in him. You two bring out the best in each other.” Natasha was looking at him with conviction, and then Clint pulled his attention.

“Steve it’s true. Tony has been doing so much better since you guys have started dating and I’m sure it’s because of what you do for him and what you mean to him. And you know I’m not lying because I’m more bro with Tony than I am with you. So, don’t diminish his accomplishments and his gifts to you by saying you forced him. That’s not fair to Tony or you.” Clint looked so serious and Steve wanted to believe him so badly. Then Clint’s serious look turned into a teasing smile. “Beside man, you’re loyal, strong, honest, have integrity. You’re Captain America, a living legion. How can anyone not want you? You’re basically perfect or as close to……..”

 And Steve almost exploded. “No, I’m Steve Rogers, and I could have been better. Should have been better for him!”

“Steve, geez! Breath! I was only teasing you. We know you’re not perfect, but you have to know that no one is perfect in relationships. You gave it your best shot, we know you did.”

“I hate the thought that he forced himself to change because of me. I never wanted him to feel like he wasn’t enough. I never wanted him to feel like I didn’t love him for who he already was, or that I would love him more if he changed.” He could only look down and stare at the table.

Natasha’s soft hands found his on the table. “Steve you didn’t do any of that. You know the saying ‘people don’t change?’ that’s a load of bull. People say that because changing for the better is hard and they use it as an excuse. Tony wasn’t changing himself because he thought he needed to... to keep you. He wanted to be a better person because he loves you, and he felt like you were worth the effect to improve himself. You both inspire each other with your strengths. You drive him to want to be better for himself as well. Give him the strength to become the kind of person he wants to be. And that was true long before the two of you were lovers”

Steve did find her words comforting, but he had a hard time believing it right now. He really wanted to talk to Tony, because only then will he know the truth.

Steve looked down at his plate. “I’m sorry Clint, thanks for the food but I’m just not hungry. Maybe pack me a Tupperware for later? Thanks.” He pushed his chair out and stood. “I’m super tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep for a bit.

Steve started to shuffle off to their room. Before he realized that it wasn’t their room anymore. All of a sudden, he was frozen in the hallway and didn’t know what to do. Which direction to go. Grief struck him all over again at the realization. Should he move his stuff out? After all it was Tony’s room to begin with. Would Tony even want it anymore? It seems Tony had removed a lot of his things from their room already. Had he driven Tony out of his own room?

Steve simultaneously wanted to never enter their room again because it was a reminder of what they had, while also wanting to lock himself in their old room for a long time, just to hold on to the memories and the feelings he and Tony had together in that room. He desperately wanted to get under their covers and pretend that it was still yesterday.

In the end, he decided that he’d leave the decision to Tony on what he wanted to do with the room. It was the least he could do for Tony. In the mean time, he didn’t want to be more of an imposition than he’d already been, so he went back to his old room and started shucking off his clothe, letting them drop to the floor in the mostly empty room. As he lowered himself to the bed, he looked at the night stand where he’s old phone charger sat. He should probably charge his phone in case SHIELD needed him. Steve reached into his pant pocket and pulled out the phone, plugged it into the charger and turned it back on in case someone called.

On the glowing screen a notification popped up. _3 unread messages from Tony Stark_

For a second, he didn’t move before almost dropping his phone trying to unlock it and look at the messages. Maybe Tony had changed he’s mind? Or at least wanted to talk?

He’s heart sank when he realized the messages were from before their fight but then he read the messages and froze.

_I’m leaving you LOL – Steve_

_Steve tell me you’re joking right? That’s why you laughed after the comment? – Tony_

_Steve, do you know how rude it is to break up with someone over text?! –Tony_

_Steve, I’m sorry for all the shit I put you thorough this last year. I hope that you’ll still find happiness. –Tony_

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now a friendly comment pointed out to me that Tony had actually sent Steve 3 messages. So I changed the last few sentences of the last chapter to maintain consistency. You don't have to read it. It doesn't change the context too much. :)

Steve proceeded to sprint from the room and down the hall, adrenaline pushing any fatigue out of the way.

Arriving at the communal area where Natasha and Clint sat, he barely registered Clint’s shriek of “Oh my god Cap! Why are you only wearing boxers?” as he turned his face away. Natasha however looked at him with confusion and concern.

“Steve?”

 Steve pressed the key for the elevator then decided to take the stairs in his haste, but before he could, Natasha was standing in his way.

“Steve what are you doing?”

“Natasha move out of the way or I’m going to move you”

“Steve, Buddy,..” Clint came up behind him. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go down and see Tony right now.”

“Yeah, Steve if not only for yourself but for Tony’s sake, I think you should give him some space” Natasha tried to placate him

Steve opened his mouth to frantically try to explain when the elevator arrived.

“How can you be so thoughtless!?” came Bruce’s voice from inside the elevated. He seemed enraged but was trying to keep himself together by not talking to loudly. He was coming towards them fast.

 All three of them whipped their heads towards Bruce.

Clint, who was closest, tried to slow his advancement. “Bruce? You’re looking a bit green there. Maybe we should all take a deep…..”

“I don’t want to calm down Clint, I want to kick Steve’s ass.” Everyone paused at the statement. Bruce was almost never violent in his human form, but when it came to Tony, all bets were off.  

Natasha cut in. “Okay somebody start talking. What is happening?”

Steve, at a loss for words, shoved his phone at Natasha while out of the corner of his eye he saw Bruce do the same thing to Clint with Tony’s cellphone.

Natasha and Clint both looked up at each other in silent conversation once more. Steve briefly noted that they seem to be getting frown lines.

Bruce cuts through the silent. “You broke up with him over text message? Even you know that’s not acceptable. Honestly Steve I never took you for a coward. Not to mention the other BullShit you’ve apparently been telling Tony all because of that stupid incident this morning? How….”

Natasha lifted her hands to stop Bruce from working himself up too much.

“Bruce remember Steve’s words? He thinks that Tony was the one to break up with him.” She shifts her attention to Steve. “Steve how did this happen?” All eyes turned to him.

“I.. I’m …. not sure” Steve floundered because to be honest, he’s not 100% sure what happened. All he knew was he wants to, no needs to talk to Tony. He needs to sort this out with him.

“Dude the text you sent clearly indicates that you broke up with Tony. Why did you type that?” Clint prompted.

“I….” Steve took a deep breath, this was important. Besides, it doesn’t look like he’s going to get to Tony without an explanation. “It was supposed to say, ‘I’m leaving now’” and as much as Steve doesn’t want to be beaten to a pulp by the hulk, he felt like he probably deserved it for being so careless.

There was a slight pause before “Then why did you add LOL to it? What’s funny about you leaving?” Clint shot back.

That floored Steve. “What? Nothing is funny about that. What are you talking about?”

Three pair of eyes continued to stare before Clint responded, “Steve, you do know that LOL means ‘laugh out loud’, right? This basically looks like you dumped Tony and then laughed in his face”

Steve felt the blood drain from his face before a feeling of nausea took over. He leaned most of his weight on the wall while trying to take deep controlled breaths to prevent himself from passin out. This wasn’t a good time to panic he reminded himself. He had to fix things with Tony first, then he could panic. After a few breaths, he managed to force out “One of the junior agents told me it means ‘lots of love’”

Natasha all but growled. “When I find out which junior agent is messing with the elderly, I’ll make them regret it”

Steve, while normally sympathetic to the junior SHIELD agents, was now considering tearing this particular agent limb from limb. Junior agent better hope that Natasha gets to him first.

“I thought you guys talked?” Bruce cut in. Unfortunately, he doesn’t look like he’s calmed down much. “How did this not get cleared up? Steve why didn’t you say anything when Tony said you guys were breaking up”

Steve didn’t have an answer. In fact, he’d been wondering the same thing to himself since he’s read those text messages. God, how could he be so cruel as to break up with Tony over a text message? Even if it was an accident, that must have hit Tony so hard. God, how could Tony think he’s be inconsiderate enough to break up with him over text message?

What was he doing? He shouldn’t be blaming Tony. This is all his fault. Tony would, of course, be blaming himself. He always does. Steve should have been more careful. He should have proof-read his messages. God, he was a horrid person with how much he must have hurt Tony. How could he ever make up for this? He can’t. He probably broke all of Tony’s trust. Broke all of his promises to keep Tony from harm. He didn’t deserve Tony. Wasn’t good enough for him. He…

“Steve? Steve! Calm down! You’re hyperventilating!” Natasha’s firm voice broke through his spiralling thoughts, and he suddenly realized he’s now sitting on the floor crying. “Oh Steve.” Natasha sighed. It hasn’t been the best day. Before she could get Steve to calm down further Bruce cut in again.

“Steve don’t you dare wallow in self pity while Tony is suffering. You need to go fix it!” Which just caused Steve to roll into another round of sobs. Natasha whipped her head around to glare at Bruce, fearless of the Hulk.

“Bruce, you’re not helping either. You need to take a deep breath and calm down. Can’t you see Steve is also suffering pretty badly here? He doesn’t need you beating him up, he’s doing an amazing job at doing it to himself.” Her word did seem to have an effect as Bruce snapped his mouth shut and didn’t look like he was going to open it again anytime soon. Natasha turned back to Steve once more. She crouches down next to him and runs her fingers through his hair. The movement as quite soothing and Steve found himself at least quieting down if not calming down.

“Nat’s right. What’s important right now is figuring out how this happened and how to fix it.” Clint rarely looked as serious and determined as he does in that moment which only drives home the weight of the whole situation. “Now Steve, walk us through the conversation, all you can remember. We’ll figure this out together, as a team, okay?”

Steve only buried his head into Natasha’s shoulder harder. Natasha turned to Clint with a look that clearly said, _‘don’t push him, he’s not doing okay enough to talk.’_ To which Clint only scoffed.

“Stop being so protective Nat, you know as well as I do that the sooner we get this sorted out the soon both Steve and Tony can feel better. Wallowing isn’t going to do anything for this situation. And Steve, man, I know you’re hurting, but you’ve faced warrior races of aliens and won. I also know that if it’s for Tony you’d face 10 times worse. That’s how I know you have the courage to face this head on too.” Clint’s words were actually pretty inspiring, and briefly Steve wondered if he’d practiced that speech like Clint always accused him of doing with his speeches. Regardless, it gave him strength and he started to slowly pull his head from Natasha’s shoulder.

Even Natasha seemed pleased with Clint’s words which is a good since there had been a decent chance that Natasha was going to stab him for talking to her like that.

“I…” Steve started, but then paused. He couldn’t find the right words back in the work shop, how could he find the right words now?

“We’re not going to judge you Steve.” Natasha whispered while shooting Bruce a pointed look. “We just want to help.”

Steve hadn’t been scared that he’d be judged. He trusted his team, but her words gave him hope that even if he couldn’t say exactly what he meant, they’d still listen and help and try their best to understand. So, Steve took one more fortifying breath before it all started tumbling from his mouth.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony’s point of view

With the glass to the workshop destroyed, Tony moved to his back up safe haven in the tower, his lab. He didn’t feel safe without the blackness of the glass surrounding him. He’s sure JARVIS will let pepper know about the glass, and she’ll probably have someone down to fix the glass by the end of the day. He’d considered flying to his rebuilt house in Malibu to hide in the workshop there, but he quickly realized he was still too drunk to fly the suit. Not to mention it’s likely that Steve would follow him if he left the tower, the stubborn bastard, which he definitely didn’t need right now.

He didn’t bother bring any of his stuff this time, too exhausted to really need anything except isolation. He’s feet shuffled him along through the sliding glass doors that closed behind him. For a second, he just stood in the middle of his lab. It was less of a space for conceptualizing and building and more of a place for testing new materials and theories, but it was still a space he freely gave over his body to his intellectual ideas which made it a place he feels familiar with and comfortable in.

He’d eventually managed to settle down in a chair and rest his head on his crossed arms on a close by table. It wasn’t comfortable, but he wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyways. As he lay there, he hears the doors slide open. The lab has always been all access. He couldn’t have JARVIS keep people out. He was instantly tense and apprehensive because _Dammit Steve it’s been less than an hour_.. He raised his head to shout as much but was stopped when the smell of Rooibos tea hit his nose. It was the stuff from Nepal that Bruce treasured. He looked to see Bruce coming his way with huge mug and a sympathetic smile.

He then felt all of his muscles turn to slug as he sagged in appreciation. He thought he wanted to be alone and mourn in peace, but the sight of Bruce made him realized how much he’d longed for company. His insides warmed as he thought about how he wasn’t alone anymore. He had a team now, friends. He didn’t have to go through anything alone anymore, not even conflicts with other team members. He trusted them to have his back and to be there for him. In fact, he **loves** them all and he’d never be too proud to admit it, at least to himself. He felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips despite the day. Yeah, he loves this family he’d found, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to his family. Losing Steve hurt. It hurt terribly. But ultimately it was worth it for his family and with the team around, he knew he’d make it through this and everything else life threw at him.

“Hey Tony,” Bruce continued to smile at him as he sat the mug down. There wasn’t pity in his voice or eyes only support and Tony melted a little more inside. He always had an extra soft spot for Bruce, who he thinks had been alone even longer than him, which is too bad because unlike him, all Bruce has ever wanted is to help people. He knew Bruce had a soft spot for him as well because he was Bruce’s first friend after the Hulk. That thought sort of made him sad, because Bruce deserved the best and the fact that Bruce has a soft spot for Tony only because Tony had no sense of self preservation when he’d first met Bruce made him feel unworthy of all the care Bruce gave him.

“Hey Bruce,” He managed to reply but then cringed at his voice. Hello chain smoker Tony, doesn’t he sound lovely? However, Tony still took hold of the mug offered to him and took a sip. It really was soothing stuff. “I’m offended that you’ve known me for so long but still think I’d prefer this over coffee.” Well.. just because he loves Bruce doesn’t mean he’s going to stop being himself, and who he is, is an ass. 

Bruce only smiled, getting that Tony was teasing instead of being genuine when Tony moved to take another savoring sip with a hum. “I don’t think I should be riling you up right now.” Bruce paused but ultimately decided to not beat around the bush. “Calming down a riled-up Steve is enough for one day.” Bruce almost regretted his inability to procrastinate when Tony froze up with a hand twitch that basically caused hot tea to pour onto Tony’s left hand. Tony himself didn’t even react or try to drop the cup, for which Bruce was grateful for as he likes that mug, but also deeply concerned about because the water is definitely hot enough to cause a second-degree burn. Bruce was then distracted by the thought that Tony may have nerve damage from burning himself too many times in the work shop but came too when the sound of the mug hitting the table assaulted his ears.

“I guess Steve told everyone huh?” Tony muttered with glossy eyes. Bruce quickly grabbed a wipe from the table to get all the tea off of Tony’s left hand, which were visibly shaking.

“Yeah he did..” Bruce replied but was mainly focused on Tony’s hand at the moment. It was definitely going to be a 2nd degree burn. Dammit. Bruce pushed the mug out of Tony’s reach so it would cooled down more before focusing on Tony again. “How are you holding up? Tell me what happen…” Bruce hesitated before amending. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.” He didn’t want to force Tony into anything. Plus, the last time Tony had tried to talk to him, he’d fallen asleep. In his defense, he’d just finished an all nighter in the lab that he hadn’t told Tony about, because despite his own hours poorly kept hours, Tony was a nag about Bruce getting enough rest. Plus, he’d been away from people for so long, he’d been really rusty at comforting people. Natasha had given him a few tips since then, so he at least felt like he could handle the current situation. However, it would be understandable if Tony wanted to talk to someone else. Thus, Bruce also quickly added “Everyone on the team is here for you if you want to talk about it.” which at least seemed to calm Tony down some.

Just when he thought that Tony was going to start talking to him, Tony burst into tears and all but flung himself into Bruce. Wow, Tony was heavier than he looked, but Bruce tried his best to comfort him through his sobs. Bruce tried to rub soothing circles in Tony’s back while the fabric at his shoulder was slightly soaked. “Hey Tony, it’s okay. If you tell me what’s wrong, maybe we can fix it?” If Tony was the one to break up with Steve, then there was about a 50% chance that the reason was irrational, and he might be able to get them back together.

Tony continued to sob but managed to choke out in-between “He…. _sniff_ …it…nnh..I.”

Bruce couldn’t exactly make sense of anything Tony said so he tried again as he continued to rub Tony’s back. “It’s okay to cry Tony. I know you’re upset, but do you think you can speak up?”

Tony rubbed his eyes on Bruce’s shoulder in a yes motion before pulling away to just rest his forehead of Bruce’s shoulder. He was still facing down not meeting Bruce’s eye, but his mouth wasn’t buried in flesh anymore. “ _sniff_ …I’m Sorry... _hiccup_.” Bruce frowned but caught on to Tony’s train of thought pretty fast.

“No, Tony. It’s okay. I’m happy I can be here for you. You can cry on me for as long as you need okay?” Bruce waited a beat and felt Tony nod again before continuing. “I’m just here to listen. But it’s like when we work in the lab together, the two of us come up with ideas that neither of us would have had alone. So maybe if you tell me what happened, I can help. It doesn’t have to be now though. You take as long as you need.” Bruce stopped rubbing Tony’s back for a second to pull the now cooler tea mug closer before offering it to Tony again, who took is carefully this time. “Just remember to rehydrate since you’ll be losing fluids when you cry, and you don’t drink any water as it is,” Bruce teased at the end trying to lighten the mood.

Bruce didn’t see but he’s quip did give Tony a small smile before he remembered that he’d been getting plenty of hydration lately due to Steve. He took a gulp from the tea mug to try and stifle down another round of sobs. Bruce was trying to help. The least he could do is talk to Bruce. Despite trying, it took him another 10 or so minutes to calm down enough to get understandable words out. “You can’t fix this Bruce. Steve and I are over.. _sniff.._ I was making him miserable and putting everyone’s safety at risk and he just couldn’t take it anymore. It’s okay. It’s for the best, really.” Tony didn’t even try to smile with the reassurance. He couldn’t even pull up a fake one right now.

Bruce stiffened a little and pressed a bit. “That’s not what I heard. Steve said….” Bruce then paused and back tracked. “You didn’t make him miserable Tony! Of course not. You made Steve the happiest he’s ever been. It was obvious to anyone even if he didn’t say so all the time and wasn’t make those love sick sighs throughout the day. He did it so often that Clint threated to castrate him, and when then didn’t work, he capped Steve at 15 a day. 15, Tony!” Bruce then took a deep breath and tried to stay calm while addressing the second part of Tony’s statement. “And you don’t put us at risk Tony. You have all of our backs. Have saved each of us countless times. Saved countless more civilians. You’re a huge asset to the team Tony. Why would you say you put our safety as risk? Did Steve say something? Is this related to what happened with Osborn this morning?” Even Bruce could hear the anger in his voice at the end of the statement. He saw Tony cringe which was all the motivation he needed to double down on suppressing the other guy. Plus, he used this lab a lot and he’d be pretty upset if the other guy trashed all his hard work.

“Steve didn’t…he.” Tony’s voice waved so he took a fortifying breath. “Steve is right though Bruce. He’s always right.”

“The hell he is.” Bruce hissed through clenched teeth.

Seeing the reaction Tony was quick to defend Steve. “He didn’t do anything wrong Bruce, honest. He was just trying to watch out for you all and keep the team safe!” Tony looked a bit frantic at the thought of getting Steve into trouble all because he couldn’t seem to get Bruce to see that Tony had been the one at fault. “Bruce calm down! It’s all my fault, I swear!”

Hearing Tony defend Steve was just making him for angrier. How dare Steve say those things knowing what he knows about Tony’s tendency to self blame? “Is that the excuse he gave you so that you would dump him?! That’s bullshit Tony. We’re going to go upstairs. I’m going to tear Steve a new one. Then you’re going to realized that everything you’ve just said is a lie and if Steve is still alive, you’re going to talk this out so that you two will stop moping and be happy again, okay?” Bruce demanded. The only thing that held him back from changing was the need to finish the current discussion.

“What?! Bruce, No, I’d never break up with him. You know I’m selfish like that. Please don’t kill Steve. I’m just explaining it wrong, but this really is all my fault. I still love him, so I want him to be happy. He dumped me, so he could be happy which is why there’s no chance we’re getting back together.” Tony rushed out frantically trying to grip Bruce’s arm to show him the text.

Realizing what Tony was trying to do and not wanting to upset him further, Bruce looked at the phone screen only to read it and see red. He shot out of his chair, grabbed Tony’s cell phone and stomped into the elevator with a single mindedness that usually only the hulk possessed. He was in perfect control though. He knew he wasn’t going to change because Bruce wanted to, no he needed to be himself when he lays into Steve, so that Steve will understand the severity. Then he might let the other guy out depending on how this plays out.

This left Tony sitting by himself, hand still out to hand his cellphone to Bruce, in a now empty lab. The franticness he was feeling was fading, leaving behind ice as its replacement. Oh, of course Bruce would leave once he understood the true. That Tony was the one at fault and Steve hadn’t done anything wrong. That Tony had been a liability, putting them all at risk. Of course, Bruce wouldn’t feel like Tony deserved comfort once it became obvious that Tony had brought this all on himself. It’s what he deserves.

Tony felt his eye well up with tear again. Tony still loves Bruce, of course, and he knew that no matter what Bruce cared for him. The fact that he remembers that at a time like this shows how far he’s come since being with Steve, since being with the Avengers. Bruce was just mad that Tony had put them in danger, Tony reasoned. He needed sometime to himself to calm down. Probably, considering his expression when he stormed out of the lab. _He’ll forgive me eventually. I’ve done worse and he’s always forgiven me. Then maybe he’ll come back? Maybe he’ll even try to comfort me again,_ Tony thinks, trying to be optimistic. Tony doesn’t realize that his knuckles had turned white from how hard he’s holding the tea mug, but he couldn’t let go. This mug of tea may be the last thing Bruce ever does to show that he cared for Tony.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this update took a while. This part was a bit harder to write than originally anticipated. Anyways hope you guys enjoy it.

Steve’s POV

“So, then he practically dove out of my arms. He looked angry and told me. ‘It’s not your job to care anymore is it?’ in this mocking tone and it just raised my heckles because I thought he was taunting me for what happened this morning. And all I could think about was how upset and scare I’d been this morning and so I yelled back.” Steve tried his best to be unbiased as he retold their earlier conversation.

“So, then what did you say?” Natasha gently prompted, and Steve took a moment to appreciate her friendship before continuing.

 “Then I accused Tony of being vindictive and then…..Oh No” Steve dropped his face into his hands and tried to hold panic at bay but managed to finish what he was saying. “Then I told him that what I said was for the both of us. Which, as would be expected, made Tony so angry. He yelled that it was in no way for his benefit” Steve then rose his head to look Natasha dead in the eye to say “I was talking about the lecture I gave him in the morning about his own safety and Yes I’m aware that what I said isn’t necessarily true in that context either but I would **never** tell Tony, or anyone for that matter, that a break up was for their sake. It’s too presumptuous. Of course, the other person deserves to decide that for themselves! Oh god, what he must have thought.” At the last sentence Steve returned to moaning into his hands.

Now that Steve was recalling the conversation in the context of his accidental break up text, Steve realized his own words as well as Tony’s took on a whole different meaning. In this context Steve can understand Tony’s actions and words more because he’d been hurting, and he lashed back. In this context all that Steve had said to Tony dug a deeper hole into his already beaten heart. Steve was filled with anguish, but he has no doubt that Tony was feeling worse.

Natasha laid a comforting hand on his knee. “It’s okay Steve. Like I said, we aren’t here to judge. We just want to fix it. It’s not like you knew what he was thinking and the full extent of what was going on either. Mistakes happen, and yes this one is a particularly bad mistake.” Steve groans again. “but what’s important now is to move past it and clear up the misunderstanding.”

Natasha tried to peak at Steve’s face by prying at his hands, but Steve wouldn’t budge. Sighing she continued, “If it makes you feel better, I do think you’re partially at fault here.” Steve finches but is otherwise still. “Just like Tony is partially responsible. You both had the chance to talk it out but you both assumed the worse immediately which always ends with a yelling match between you two that solve nothing and only hurts you both more. You guys need to get a handle on your emotions and talk like adults instead of expressing yourselves like a toddler.” Natasha then patted Steve on the head before continuing, “We’ll work on it when this is over. What happened next Steve?”   

Steve stayed slumped but continued “I saw that Tony was upset so I tried to explain again why I was upset this morning. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I’m pretty sure that that’s the moment it all went wrong” Steve took a moment to think while trying to calm his breathing.

“If you’d like, I have record of what you said Captain Rogers,” JARVIS chipped in. He recognized what the team was trying to do here, and he was all to happy to help if it meant his creator would be happy again. “Due to security protocols I’m not allowed to release the footage, but I can tell you what was said based of the transcribed information.”

Natasha made a hand motion for JARVIS to continue.

“According to records, Captain Rogers told sir that and I quote ‘I just. I don’t want to go through something like that again. I felt so helpless, so raw. I just wanted to cry through the whole ordeal. I need you to understand how I was feeling. I need you to not. I need you to understand,’ JARVIS finished and for once his words sounded like it came from a robot. He must actually be just reading it from a transcript.

Steve then added on with “And then he said something about it being for the team and for me and I didn’t realize he was talking about breaking up. I thought he was going to start being more careful in the field!” Steve protested.

“Oh Steve, dammit! He must have thought you were talking not just this morning but about your relationship.” Bruce was quick to realize after his interaction with Tony. He didn’t seem so angry anymore, just tired, exhausted even. “When I went down there Tony said you broke up with him not just because of the incident this morning but because he didn’t make you happy!”

Steve was looking up with that look of horror again. He was looking very pale.

“What happened then?” Clint waves his hand over Steve’s face. “When did you think you guys were breaking up?”

Steve’s stomach chugged but he forced himself to focus on the conversation instead of how he was feeling. This was important. “Then he said some self-deprecating stuff, which I tried to correct but then he said that our relationship is over and …” Steve swallowed hard but didn’t continue.

“What Steve? Did you just leave after he said all that? Didn’t you fight it?” Clint carelessly threw his word at Steve not realizing the impact they were having.

“I..I don’t know. I panicked. I thought that he was breaking up with me over the fight this morning and I was so frustrated because I kept trying to get Tony to see my side of it, but I wasn’t able to articulate it right and .… I panicked.”

“Steve, breath man, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrogate you. Don’t worry about it. Just what happened next?” It wasn’t until he felt Clint trying to shake his ridged upper body did Steve realize he’d been holding his breath. Shakily he pushed air out of his lungs.

“Then he asked me to leave” Steve’s voice came out small which is pretty in line with how he was feeling right now. “He said he wanted distance from me and..and when I didn’t leave he told me _that he couldn’t do this anymore._ ” Steve realized he was back to crying but he kept going. “and what can I say to that? Up til that point I’d thought it was all about what happened this morning but all of a sudden Tony’s telling me he can’t do this relationship anymore and that’s when I realized that we haven’t been talking about this morning for a long time and he just looked so exhausted. I..I thought that …..” The waterworks was starting to make talk very hard. “He wasn’t breaking up with me because of this morning. He just didn’t want me anymore and all I could think is how I’m probably the reason he looks so exhausted and this morning had just been the last straw. And then I thought back to all the times I still spend arguing with him and all the times I forced him to eat or sleep or watch movies with me. He has a company to run and millions of people depending on him, so he must have thought I was so controlling. I mean, he’s an adult. He’s survived this long. Who am I to say when he should be eating and sleeping.” He was spiralling, and he could feel it, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “Oh god Tasha” He basically flung himself into Natasha’s arms. “… _sniff_ ….what if he really doesn’t want me anymore? What if he’d been relieved when he got the text because it meant he didn’t have to break up with me? What if this accidental break up made him realized that he’s better off without me? What if he’s bored with me? What if he sees that underneath Captain America that I’m just some guy? And he realized that he’s this rich genius who can do so much better? I know I haven’t done a lot for him even though he feed us and houses us in this lavished tower and makes us the most advance tech for the field and provides for us with the finest money can buy. I just..This is basically my first real relationship, but I can learn and get better and..”

“Oh Steve,” Natasha stops him before his spiral could become even more self deprecating. “I’m sorry Steve, I should have realized. We all got fooled because you’re always trying to help Tony with his insecurities, we should have recognized that you have them too. You must get some mean stuff thrown at you because Tony’s a lot older and rich.”

Clint didn’t look to happy either. “Sometimes I forget your still in your 20s Steve. For the record I though you were doing really good.” He stopped talking then because Natasha sent him a look that said _stop while you’re ahead._

“Yeah, Steve. I know Clint is usually wrong when he’s off the battle field but he’s right about this.” She continued, ignoring Clint’s mild protest. “Steve does Tony love you?”

Steve nodded because it’s the truth.

“And do you think all he sees you as is Captain America?” She questioned.

He shook his head. Tony knows him better than anyone. Tony was his best friend and Steve had never hesitated to share any part of himself with Tony

“Then you know it’s not true that he’s happy you guys broke up. Steve, Tony is one of the few that knows who you are and loves everything you are. He wants to be with you, he wants to be with Steve Rogers and his biggest fear has always been losing you.” Natasha gave a soft smile, but Steve didn’t seem to be winding down.

“So, then he wants to be with me so he’s willing to suffer through me forcing food and sleep on him, me yelling at him, and me exhausting him?”

“Steve,” Natasha hesitates a moment before deciding that Steve deserved the absolute truth. “Look, I’m not a part of this relationship and I can’t read minds, so I can’t tell you if those things are true or not. What I can tell you is that while I was his secretary I tried to get him to eat and sleep long before you came into the picture, Pepper has been trying to force Tony to sleep and eat. But it never worked. So, I can tell you that forcing him to sleep and eat doesn’t do anything. He sleeps and eat when you ask him because he wants too.

“Steve,” Bruce budded in, surprising everyone. “I’m sorry I got angry and accused you of hurting Tony. Natasha’s right. I got too into Tony’s problems and forgot that you’re a part of this too, and you’re hurting also. So, I’m going to make it up to you by passing on what Tony has told me.” Bruce paused to gesture to Steve to not interrupt. “It’s not something he told me in confidence and I think he’d want me to tell you given the situations.” Steve hesitantly gave Bruce a nod. “Okay, Tony has told me that he used to sleep better but ever since Afghanistan and then New York, he’s been getting night terrors.”

Steve fearing what Bruce was going to say defended “Yeah, I’ve always tried my best to help him through those, but it probably didn’t hel…”

“It helped” Bruce tried to say it with a kind smile. “He said that after that he’d always avoid going to bed. But then you guys got together, and he started to ditch me during all nighters. When I asked him about it he just said that he wasn’t scared to go to sleep anymore.” Bruce didn’t realize he was smiling at the memory. “And yes, I also notice he was eating more. More likely to take time for lunch even if we were in the middle of something. I asked him about that too. I guess when he was young Jarvis, the human Jarvis, used to make sure he ate his meals. He never really did pick up how to cook and despite our teasing about him being a spoiled rich kid, he never had a personal chef. Guess he’s diet has been erratic since Jarvis died.”

“Uh, wasn’t that like 20 years ago?” Clint asked with all the lack of tact expected of him.

“Yeah it was,” Bruce replied with a sympathetic expression. “Tony said it’s been a long time since he’s had home made cooking, and as far as he’s concerned, your cooking is the best. He actually had the most dopey smile one his face when he told me that the first time.” Bruce hesitated before continuing. “But it’s not just that Steve, he said it’s been so long since there was food available to him 3 times a day which is part of the reason he never ate full regular meals. And I don’t mean this offensively to Pepper, she’s a busy woman with a strenuous job, but it’s not like she’d cooked for him or gave him 3 meals a day. Telling him to eat is never going to be as effective as providing him with food,” Bruce then looked directly into Steve’s eyes. “Tony isn’t tolerating you making him sleep or eat. It’s you that’s provided him with the means so that he can sleep and eat. You didn’t force him Steve. You helped him. Supported him in what he does. I guarantee you that Tony appreciates it greatly. So, don’t beat yourself up about not returning all the things Tony does for you. You do give back. In a different way, but it’s just as meaningful and important.”

Steve had tears in his eyes again. What Bruce has said went a long way toward dispelling his insecurities and he was so grateful. “Thank you Bruce. I really..knowing that means the world to me and I really… Thank you.”

Bruce took in Steve and his heartfelt expression and felt bad that he wasn’t done.       

“Look Steve,” Uh, Bruce decided he’s going to go sleep for a week straight after this. “I’m about to follow that up with something significantly less nice. But I’m not telling you this to hurt you, I’m telling you, so you’re prepared when you finally talk with Tony. You need to know that he’s been thinking this whole time, that he’s a risk for the team, that he makes you unhappy. If I’m honest Steve, I don’t think this incident is going to just go away. It’s likely going to leave long term marks on Tony even when he finds out the truth. Tony wasn’t just hurt when I saw him, he was resigned.”

Steve felt ice run through him, but he managed to get out “You think he won’t take me back?”

Bruce sighed once more. “That’s not what I’m saying… Although be warned that it is an actual possibility.” At that, everyone else looked shocked but Bruce pressed on. “But it’s not going to be for the reasons you’re thinking. Remember what Tony was like when you guys first started going out?”

Steve gave a slight nod. “Yeah, he use to do a lot of over the top things just because he thought that’s what I wanted and because he was really paranoid about me breaking up with him.”

 “Well he’s going to be like that again. This incidence has probably brought out all his insecurities and that conversation just added logs to the fire. He’s going to think he’s not good enough again. Not good enough for you or the team.”

“That’s not true…” Steve replied so quickly that Bruce realized that it must be an automatic response for whenever Tony talked bad about himself. He smiles, feeling a lot better knowing that despite what had happened, Steve cares about Tony deeply and doesn’t for a second think that the things Tony says about himself are true. None the less he lifts his hand to silence Steve.

“I’m not the one you need to convince Steve. Convince Tony. He’s just had all his insecurities confirmed. It won’t be as easy as shoving his insecurities all back in a box again. It’s gonna take time to herd all the insecurities back and that will take determintion and dedication. Are you really okay with starting back at square one again?”

Steve basically snarls, “I don’t care if I have to start at square minus a hundred, I’ll never give up on Tony even if he gives up on himself. Even if Tony never wants to be with me again after this, as long as I’m still able to get even one of those insecurities back into the box then it’ll be worth it.” Steve had the most stubborn look on his face which brought a smile to everyone’s face and warmed their hearts.

“Good,” Bruce approved. “Then I have some advise for you.” Steve stares at him intently, nodding for him to continue. “As hard as it is to hear, this didn’t just shake Tony’s perception of self. This has broken the trust that he had in you and the relationship.” Bruce saw Steve open his mouth but cut him off. “I’m saying it as it is and I’m telling you Not to take it to heart if he hesitates to trust you so soon. You’re the kind of person that gets deeply hurt when you don’t get trust, but you need to be patient. My concern is Tony makes people bad at patience, you included, but getting into another yelling match is going to make it worse. Worse then it would have been before. You need to get a hold of your emotions. I know Tony brings out strong feelings. If it helps, keep in mind that it’s not that he doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust himself. He doesn’t trust that he’s enough to keep you or any promises you make to him.

Steve’s initial response is to be angry and protest, but he stops. He’d just proven Bruce’s point. Bruce was right, he needed to think more and react less. This isn’t a battle field. No one and especially not Tony is attacking him. Tony loves him so there’s no reason to get defensive when they talk. Sure, Tony’s words are sometimes sharper than any knife, but Steve does know that when he’s open so is Tony. Steve smiles. Every time Tony is open with him feel like a privilege, a special gift and Steve also feels proud that someone who’s been hurt so many times is still strong enough to open up. He nods at Bruce. “You’re right Bruce. Thank you again. That’s good advice.”

“I’m still not done Steve,” Bruce continues with an apologetic smile. “You also need to realize that this incident has left its mark on you as well. It’s plain to see for everyone here that heard your depressing rant about Tony not wanting you. You have insecurities too Steve, and that’s okay. But you need to recognize them and work past them or those insecurities are going to make it difficult for you two to be together and ultimately hurt you both.”

“Yeah man, just think about what would happen if you didn’t do something because of your insecurities and then Tony interprets it as you not wanting him anymore? We’re be up a creek without a paddle for sure.” Clint added as his own little bit of 2 cents. Natasha would have scolded him for his lack of tact, but he’s been keeping quiet and not making anything worse surprisingly well during the conversations, so she let it slide.

Steve nodded. It was the first time Steve had acknowledged those inadequacies he’d been feeling but even he can see how they’ve worsened the current situation even if unintentionally. It’s okay though, acknowledgement was also the start of moving past them.

“Keep in mind what I said before about Tony’s lack of trust because if you don’t then his behaviors are going to feed right into those insecurities you’re feeling which just spells disaster.” Bruce added as a last bit of warning.

“Do you know what that means Steve?” Natasha stated drawing his attention.

“Yeah, that I need to get over my issues for my relationship with Tony to be more stable.”

Steve’s reply only caused Natasha to frown. “And how were you planning to do that exactly?” Natasha pushed.

“I..uh.. by remember what you guys just told me?” That didn’t seem to be the answer Natasha was hoping for since her frown darkened so Steve gave it another shot. “Talk to you guys about it?” Steve didn’t really want to bug the team with his problems, but he figures that they were basically offering, and it might help him a lot.

“Or you could talk to Tony about them?” Natasha suggested while Bruce nodded in a manner suggesting that he completely agreed.

Steve felt like his eyes might bulge out of their socket. “What? No! How would that help? Tony’s got enough to deal with without me piling on.”

“Steve your insecurities stem from your relationship with Tony so none of us will be able to help as much as Tony can by assuring you that your fears are unfounded.” Natasha reasoned.

“Yeah but I still don’t need to go bother him with this. Now that I know I can handle it, I swear.”

Sighing Natasha tried a different approach. “When Tony has insecurities would you rather he talks to you or us?”

“Well I’d prefer if he talked to me, of course, that way I can reassure him and make him feel better.” Steve replied immediately without much thought.

“Then don’t you think Tony would like the same to happen with your insecurities?”

“I…” That threw Steve for a loop. “It’s different. My issues aren’t a big deal, especially when Tony’s hurting. He should come first.”

“How come your insecurities aren’t equally as important Steve? A relationship is about being equals. That doesn’t sound equal to me.” Natasha pushed again. Steve would be annoyed if she wasn’t so good at finding flaws with his logic.                       

“Because Tony’s been through so much. He has a right to be protective of his heart. I’m just being unreasonable.” Steve concluded and who could argue that that wasn’t true?

“Steve, that’s exactly what we’re talking about. You feel those things, which makes them valid. Which mean that it’s just as important to address your insecurities. You’re not less important Steve. You’ll never be.”

“Steve I think you’re going to have a hard time moving past this without talking to him.” Bruce also making the effort to convince Steve. “Just talk to him about it Steve, if not for yourself, then do it because you want to avoid accidentally hurting Tony with your insecurities in the future. Plus, if he knows about them then maybe he won’t misinterpret your actions as you not wanting him in the future.”

“Also, I bet knowing you have insecurities too would help Tony with his own self worth. Assure him that he’s not weak for not always believing in himself. Think of it as a bonding exercise. If you trust Tony with your secrets. Maybe he’ll be more inclined to disclose his own to you.” Natasha added.

Damn those two made a pretty convincing argument. Steve considered it. “I’ll try, okay? I can’t promise anything.” Despite it not being what Natasha and Bruce probably wanted to hear. It drew a smile to their lips.

Steve looked at his friends surrounding him and felt impossibly good especially considering he and Tony were still in a state of being broken up. But they made him optimistic about the future. “I’m going to go talk to Tony. Clear everything up. I think he’s wallowed alone long enough, and yes I’ll remember what we talked about.” Steve shot the others a hopefully reassuring smile and received in turn 3 hopeful smiles in turn. With that discussion finished, Steve hopped to his feet and basically sprinted down the stairs.  


	9. Chapter 9

Steve’s POV

Steve headed for the lab. With the workshop in the state it was currently in, Tony would have moved to a new spot to isolate himself. That’s good news for him since the lab don’t have the same ability to keep people out as the workshop did. Even if the door was lock, Steve could easily just remove the door from the frame.

When Steve made it to the door of the lab he paused to take a few deep breaths. _Stay calm, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, talk it out_ Steve reminded himself before taking one last breath and then knocking. He wasn’t going to just barge in there either.

He waited and just when he though that maybe Tony wasn’t inside or maybe he fell asleep, he heard it.

“Bruce..?” It was barely audible through the door, but the rest of the tower was quiet. With that one word, Steve could hear the sorrow and broken heart. His own heart hurt for Tony.

“Um….no. Tony, it’s Steve…” Steve had to physically bite his tongue to prevent himself from saying sweetheart. That definitely wouldn’t go over well right now. Steve’s hands felt like he has hair growing on his palms from how much his palms are sweating. God, he hasn’t been this nervous since the day before project rebirth, but he couldn’t help himself. To him the stakes were high.

After a long pause with no response, Steve tried again. “Can you let me in…..please?” He wasn’t above begging at this point.

He’d almost thought that Tony wasn’t going to reply but then his ears picked up something. Sobbing. The kind that rocked your whole body and made snot drip from your nose as your whole face scrunches up.

He’s hands flew to the doorknob which expectantly was locked. Even through the doors, Steve could tell Tony was trying to suppress the sound, but it wasn’t working.

He hadn’t meant to do it, but Tony’s crying made his muscles clench causing him to pull the door lock mechanism through the wall to get the door open.

He’s eyes landed on Tony and it was like his own heart was shattering all over again. Tony was there sitting in the very middle of the lab hunched over and crying into a mug he held in both his hands. The expression on his face made it clear that the man was falling apart.

Steve’s first instinct was to go embrace the man, but two feet from Tony he halted in his tracks, arms still raised when he remembered their current situation. Again, Steve felt a surge of resentment towards himself. Look at how much suffering he’d caused Tony and now he was frozen here having no idea how to fix it all over again. What happened to all his determination and bravery from moments prior. He tried to remember the team’s words as he pushed back thoughts about how he wasn’t good for Tony.

He’s arms dropped slowly. _I can do this, for Tony._ Steve decided to just tell the truth and not dance around anything. He doesn’t want to prolong Tony’s suffering. He also took a moment to reassure himself and decided to trust his instincts. _Don’t questions it_ he chastised himself in his head.

Tony hadn’t moved a muscle since his entrance, seemingly not even registering Steve’s presence.

Then Steve slowly and deliberately dropped to his knees right beside Tony and put his hand on Tony’s thigh. He couldn’t deny that when Tony flinched a piercing pain went through his chest. However, Tony didn’t pull away and that show of trust was already enough to warm his heart. From this angle, he was able to look up at Tony’s face which still displayed his anguish.

“Tony, I don’t want to break up. This whole thing, it’s just been a misunderstanding. That text was supposed to say, ‘I’m leaving now’ not ‘I’m leaving you’ and I thought LOL meant lots of love and I’m so so sorry. I understand if your angry at me, that was a rotten stupid thing I did that cause you so much misery and I can’t apologize enough. I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you but for now I need you to know that I love you, and there’s no one else I’d rather be with. Ever”

As Steve talked Tony seemed to go through a variety of stages disbelief, confusion, shock, hope. Steve honestly though he’d stop at anger and Tony was about to start yelling at him any second now but was surprised and mortified when anger turned to hopelessness, resignations, devastation and then nothing. It was like Tony’s face had shut off which was not a good sign. It made fear envelope Steve.

“Tony? Sweetie? Can you say something please? Talk to me.”

Tony turned his blank eyes to make eye contact with Steve. “Okay.” Was the only thing he said in response.

“Okay? What does okay mean?!” Steve could feel himself getting agitated, so he looked down for a second to let the feeling drain from him before continuing. “Tony, please talk to me. I’m trying to fix this, and I can’t do that if I’m just talking at you.” Steve moved his other hand to grip Tony’s other thighs searching Tony’s eyes for something, anything. Tony just stared back blankly.

“I mean okay. Thanks for letting me know Steve. Everything is good now. You can go if you’re done.”

Steve’s jaw dropped. How can Tony say that? “Tony No, everything is not good!”

Tony closes his eyes and takes a long breath. “I appreciate you coming down here to try and spare my feelings Cap, but you didn’t need to do that.”

“You don’t believe me? No Tony I really didn’t mean that break up text. I want us to be together still. Can’t we just pretend it didn’t happen?” Steve was getting frantic now and the moment his comment about forgetting the whole thing escaped his mouth, he’d wanted to take it back. He didn’t want to pretend this didn’t happen, he wants to fix it. He wants to make it better.

“Cap, why are you here?”

“To fix this.” Steve tried to muster all his earnestness into that statement.

“Look, I understand what happened. I’m a genius and I catch on quick. But it happened Cap, no way to put everything that’s happened into a box and shove it in the corner now. If your want forgiveness for making that stupid typo you got it. I’m not mad Cap, honestly.”

A chill went up Steve’s spine. Something seems off. He didn’t want to jinx it, but it felt too easy….

Then he realized what was wrong. Tony was still calling him Cap.

_Be clear, don’t assume_. It was good advice. Steve took a grounding breath and tried again. “Tony, I just want everything to be clear. Does that mean we’re back together?”

Tony seemed to hesitate and Steve could only hope it was to serious consider the question. Finally, Tony opened his mouth, “No Cap, like I said before, we’re over. That text might have been the insighting incident but that doesn’t make this break up any less real.”

Steve’s heart sank, Bruce’s previous warning ringing in his ear. Maybe this was the end? He’d blown his chance.

No, he couldn’t think that. He was going to fight for this relationship with everything he has. Time to go for broke. “Tony I want you to listen to me. I don’t want to break up. I’ve never once wanted to break up with you. This isn’t me regretting the break up or whatever your thinking. I want to be with you Tony. I’ve always wanted to be with you and I’ll always want to be with you no matter what happens because I love you, all of you. Who you are, what you do, and everything in between. That break up wasn’t real Tony and it will never be real, not unless you want to break up with me but I’m definitely not breaking up with you. So as far as I’m concerned we’re still together.”

“What, I don’t even get a say in all this!? You say we’re together and so that’s how it is?!” Tony shouted at him, suddenly angry.

Good, Steve will take that over emotionless Tony any day. Then a wave of frustration at himself, washed over him, for still not conveying what he wanted but also a wave of frustration at Tony for always twisting his words. _Patience_ he reminded himself. Tony’s just trying to start a fight again. “Of course, you get a say and since you do get a say, why don’t you tell me what you think our relationship status should be.

“Cap,” Steve was really starting to hate that word. “I think we should stay broken up.” Tony whispered.

“Then you’re breaking up with me, is that what you’re saying Tony? Because again I ain’t breaking up with you.”

Steve stared right into Tony’s eye challengingly and saw Tony grind his teeth before words seem to begrudgingly slip from his mouth. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

All of Steve’s insecurities rushed him at the words. Maybe he really didn’t make Tony happy? Maybe Tony realized he could do better? Maybe this break up was just what Tony was waiting for?

_Don’t assume, be clear, talk it out_ broke through Steve’s string of doubt. It sounded like Natasha. “Why?” The word came out small and uncertain, so Steve tried again.

“Give me the reasons why we should break up and I promise I’ll leave and we’ll never have to have this conversation again.” This time his voice came out too commanding, too demanding. One more try.

“Look, Tony, just explain it to me. Please? Because I really don’t understand. I thought we were doing well.”

Despite his best effort, he’s insecurities echoed in the insuring silence, so Steve blurted out “Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Was I too pushy? Or is it because I exhaust you? Do I make you unhappy? Is there someone else? Do you not love me anymore?” and there is was. Everything he feared, said and out in the open now. Tony’s eyes grew wide as Steve spoke and every second without a reply was agony. He’s looking at Tony and he’s sure that he’s expression is begging Tony to deny it, to assure him. Except that wasn’t really fair, was it? He doesn’t want to guilt Tony into answering what he wanted to hear. Suddenly Steve snapped his gaze away, looking at the ground, fists clench as he suddenly found himself losing his battle against his tears. His shoulders shook but he tried his best to not make noise.

Then a set of arms hesitantly wrapped around him from his side and that small gesture was enough to light up Steve’s whole world for a bit as he kneeled there in Tony’s embrace.

“Shh, Steve it’s okay. It’s not you okay? I promise.” Tony’s words were slightly muffled from him resting his head on Steve’s shoulders. “Please don’t feel like that Steve. Don’t ever feel like that. You’re perfect.”

At his words Steve suddenly ripped himself from Tony’s arms to turn around and face him again. “I’m not perfect! And I’m sick of people expecting me to be! I just, I try my best, but do you know how stifling it is to feel like you have to do perfect in everything? Tony this is my first serious relationship. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing or what I’m suppose to do! I don’t know if anything I’ve done so far was any good!” Then Steve started losing steam, suddenly feeling hurt. “And you’ve known me a long time now Tony. If all you can see is Captain America or someone who’s perfect then I feel like you don’t really know me at all.”

Steve then looked into Tony’s shocked expression, arms still slightly raised, with growing dread. He wasn’t suppose to have said any of that. Oh no, this was going to end up pushing Tony away. Why had he said any of that?!

Tony walked back up to Steve to stare him directly in the eyes. “You’re right Steve.” Steve stood there frozen. No, was this the final straw? Had he pushed Tony away for good? Given him the excuse he needed to stay broken up with Steve? All he could do was think _NO_ on repeat in his head while frozen with fear over what Tony was going to say next. But Tony always had a way of surprising Steve with how brave and just overall good he was, how he’d always put others before himself because even through Tony still obviously had his own distress regarding their relationship, his main concern, his automatic response is to comfort Steve. “It’s not fair to you that we always assume you’re perfect. That’s not something anyone should have thrusted on them and I’m sorry that I didn’t catch it sooner, especially considering how Howard was when I was young.” Steve’s heart tightened for that little boy that Tony once was.

“I’m sorry for everytime I put pressure on you to be perfect or even good at something and for getting caught up in what others see in you. But Steve,” Finally hearing Tony say his name brought a thrilling shiver through his body. “I want you to know that I do see you for who you are. Not Captain America but Steve, who still can’t dance despite how similar it should be to fighting, who has one of the driest senses of humor I’ve every heard, who leaves his uniform on the ground all over the tower after peeling them off post mission, who sings annoying pop songs in the shower, who is terrible with children.”

_Talk it out, be honest._ In light of the courage that Tony showed Steve wanted to give some of that trust back. “I just think. One of these days you’re going to wake up and realize that you can do better.” Steve almost smirked as Tony’s jaw drops. “I know you don’t think so, I know you usually end up waving it off as nothing, but you give so much to us Tony without asking for anything in turn. You’ve provided us with a home and anything we could ever hope for. You spend hours making upgrades for us. It’s not just the money. You always come to spend time with us if anyone had a nightmare. You’re handsome, and a genius and I couldn’t keep up with you on my best day. And I sometimes think, besides being Captain America, what else do I have to offer you?” Steve’s last admission seems to have pulled Tony from his trance.

“Steve you are so much more than Captain America. You’re not perfect but you’re perfect for me. Steve, I know you have flaws, but I don’t love you despite those flaws. Those quirks about you make it so that you fit perfectly with me and my imperfections. You take such good care of me and I don’t just mean with the food and the regular sleep schedule. You’re a rock of support and you inspire the best in not just me but everyone. Not by being Captain America but because at your core, you are a good man who doesn’t just believe in fairness and justice but fights for it. You’re loyal and protective. And you might not be a genius by definition, but you challenge me every day with your opinions, suggestions, ideas, and debates. You’re my best friend. You make me laugh. You make me Happy. So, Steve rest assure that there’s no one else I’d rather be with. I love you.”

Steve could feel tears going down his cheeks but they were from joy, so he couldn’t complain. He grabs Tony and pulls Tony into his arms. However, when he goes to give Tony a kiss, Tony turned his head away and Steve was immediately reminded of the situation as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head. “Tony, you can’t serious have just said all that only to still want to break up with me? I don’t think that’s the best way to reassure me of what you just said.” Even to his own ears he sounded incredulous.

Tony looked down and sighed. “Steve, I promise you that everything I just said I believe from the bottom of my heart, but we still shouldn’t be together.”

“Then I guess we’ve looped back to the why we started at.” Steve stared at Tony, his own arms now crossed, making sure Tony knows he’s not getting out of this without an answer.  

Tony tried to wait Steve out but really he knew he was delaying the unavoidable, so eventually he spoke again. “Steve you pull me up to be better which means that I drag you down. I can’t be selfish by picking my own happiness over yours. If I had one wish it would be for you to be happy.”

“Drag me down?” Steve echoed. “Did you not hear what I just said about you? Tony, you support me and bring out the best in me just like I apparently do for you. We aren’t a balloon and a brick. We’re two balloons and together we can lift things that each of us couldn’t lift alone. As for unhappy, what on Earth gave you the idea that I’m not happy? I know that we argue sometimes Tony but this time that we’ve spent dating has been the happiest period of my life and it makes me so happy to hear that I make you happy.” Steve gave a genuine smile and wrapped his arms around the genius once more, only for Tony to look at him with furrowed brows. “I know that it’s hard for you to trust yourself enough to think I’m here to stay, and this whole incidence has definitely set that back a few steps but Tony Please trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t lie to you about this. You make me happy, really.”

“But you said..”

It took a second but then it clicked for Steve. “Are you talking about when we were in the workshop earlier? Tony I swear to you that I wasn’t talking about our relationship. I didn’t know about the text then and I didn’t know you were talking about our relationship the whole time. I..” Steve groaned, “I was flustered and to be honest, troop rallying speeches aside, I’m terrible at expressing myself. I wish I could convey to you exactly how I feel about you. In any case I wasn’t talking about you.”

“Then what did you think we were talking about?”

“I though we were arguing over what happened this morning with..uh.. the green goblin.” He hadn’t really wanted to bring it up but it’s now or this whole thing blowing up in his face later.

 Tony suddenly ripped himself from Steve’s hold. “That’s the other thing Steve, why we can’t be together. What I did today..”

“Probably saved my life.” Steve cut him off.

“You were right, it was dangerous and reckless, and I could have put the team in danger. That’s why we can’t be together anymore.. it’s to protect the team! It’s for my family, our family and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give up for them even if what I’m giving up is you.” Tony’s words maybe should have made Steve a bit jealous but all he could feel was warmth. He’s so happy that Tony now has the team in his life to back him up, that he has so many people supporting him.

“No, I was wrong.” Steve stated firmly. “I shouldn’t have said you compromised the team. It was a low blow and completely not true. I’ve been thinking about it and if we weren’t dating would you still have dove in front of that bomb?”

“I would have, yes.” Tony’s reply was immediate and without hesitation. Then he stiffened, losing some color in his face. Steve moved forward to embrace him and support him if needed but Tony backed away out of his reach. “I get what you’re saying Steve.” Tony’s tone was wooden, his face and posture more closed off than it’d ever been before. All Steve could do was watch. What was happening? Why? “You’re saying that I’m not going to change. I wish I could tell you that I’ll change, but you’re right, I can’t. I’m already too set in my ways. So even if we weren’t dating, I’d be compromising the team.”

All of a sudden Steve understood where Tony was going with this.

“You want me off the team, right?” Tony choked out and the thought almost made Steve throw up.

“NO! Tony, no, Never. NEVER” Steve swept Tony into his arms once more to whisper fervently in his ear. “Listen carefully. One – What you did this morning wasn’t wrong and I’m so sorry I got angry over it. It’s hard for me to watch you get hurt but I’ll work on it. Two – you were not and do not compromise the team. I was just angry and that is completely not true. Three – There is no team without you Tony. You’re the heart of this team and none of us would ever EVER want you to go.”  

Steve peaked at Tony in his arms who was looking a bit shell shocked again but thankfully his color had mostly returned.

“You sure?”

“I’m 100% sure” Steve reassured. They stood holding each other a while before Steve pulled back a little.

“Is there anything else?”

“Huh” Tony gave him a perplexed look.

“Do you have any other reasons for why we should break up?” Steve asked slightly concerned about what Tony will answer.

“No, I don’t” Tony’s response was like a breath of fresh air and drained most of the tension from his body.

“Oh good. So just to be clear, we’re back together right?”

There was a tense pause but eventually Tony says, “Well, technically we never broke up…”

His tone was teasing but Steve just really wanted to be sure. “Tony, please”

“Yeah we’re back together.” He whispers into Steve’s ear and then they smiled at each other.

“Steve, you know for a guy who supposedly is bad at expressing himself, that was like the most adult conversation I’ve every had.”

Tony’s tone was so lighthearted that Steve had to chuckle, “I may have gotten some help from the team.”

“Ah, that explains it. I’ll have to make them something in thanks.” Tony ponders. “I’m sorry I never realized that you were feeling pressured or in adequate.”

Steve couldn’t help but squeeze Tony tighter. “It’s my fault too. How could you know if I never say anything?”

“Well if you ever get those feels again you can always tell me Steve. I’m happy to reassure you. Besides for a guy in his first serious relationship who doesn’t know what he’s doing, I think you’re doing an amazing job.”

Steve smiled into Tony’s neck. Tony was perfect. The kind of perfect that matched his own. “Thank you Tony. Just try to remember to do the same, huh?” He teased. “Bruce warned me that this incident isn’t just going to go away, and I can understand that. So, if you can Tony, please talk to me. I don’t care if it’s the exact same problem every time for a hundred years. I’m here for you. I always will be.” Steve added seriously.

Tony just hummed an affirmation into Steve’s shoulder before pulling back to ask, “Can I get you to say that you were wrong again? I want to make it my ring tone.” Steve couldn’t help but laugh.

 

 

 

So, Steve supposes the main problem with texting is that he can never express the depth of his affection for Tony with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there we are. Sorry this last part took a bit of time. I hope you enjoyed the story and thank you too everyone that stuck with me through it. :)


End file.
